ABBA-tastic

I am so excited Audre and I are going to see Mama Mia tomorrow, and then next week we are going to see the Pants movie. I love going to see movies with Audre we always have such a blast whether we are dressing up like pre-teens or rest after pigging out on some serious tex-mex it is always fun!! I do have to say I am sad that Beth is not here to join in the Mama Mia experience since whenever I hear ABBA I think of her and I singing it. Well actually I would sing the verse and then Beth would sing "Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance chance" over and over again through the whole thing. It was great, she is the only person I know with the patience to keep singing that over and over again. Too bad we never filmed us doing any ABBA routines.
So in the car I was listening to Tommy James over and over on my ipod and everytime they would play the Say Say song I would start to think about Sarah and I missed her. She was so cute dancing around to that so I am thinking about making a copy of the whole cd and then maybe putting together a cd for her and sending it out there--maybe it's time to put a little ABBA on there and introduce the girls to the wonders of disco. I can get them into the music and then next time they are out I will teach them the Hustle!

Another Fine Day

Tomorrow is the next attempt at getting a good look at the baby and we have invited our mommies to join us so Stan and I are really excited. Today has gone by really fast which was so fantastic because not only has it been fun but fairly busy.
I am trying to overload on water since I was not too good about my in take over the weekend.

This past weekend we went to Trevor and Lauren's wedding. It was so crazy watching him get married since I have known him my whole life. It is one of those moments in time where it occurs to you suddenly that you have actually reached adult hood and there is no denying it. There were lots of people there who I knew through Melinda and so it was really weird to see them with their wives partying and everything. I just remembered when we were all high schoolers partying and so it was really weird to flash forward to us being adults. Lauren is such a wonderful person too. She is just so happy and friendly. I love how open she is with people and she loves to have a good time and she just spreads happiness where she goes. I really do wish them the best and I am so happy Trevor found such a great person.

Pampering Mrs. Bear

I am sooo lucky I have such a great husband like Stan. Last night he came home with groceries and then made a very nice romantic dinner for two. Followed up by a nice hair brusings AND back massage. It was soo nice and relaxing. He made a really healthy dinner too. Stan made chicken with a sweet and sour glaze, broccoli, and pollenta. It was such a great meal and a wonderful surprise. I think more and more we are trying to maximize our alone time by just make really special memories. I know that when the baby comes we will both be taken to the ends of the world and just be completely exausted so really sharing special moments together is important.
We are thinking about going to the drive-in where we went on one of our dates next week or the week after (depending on the movies that are showing). I just think it will be nice for us to drive up there in the car and re-live one of our memorable moments. Ahhh young love!

The Trouble with Identity

An issue I have been struggling with my whole life has been my weight. When I was younger I felt like my weight made me less than others and I really let it effect my opinion of myself. I hated how I looked and desperatly tried to overcompensate for it. As I got older I developed more self awareness/ apreciation. It took many many years to get to the point where I really could say that I love the person that I am.
Now that I am pregnant and looking toward a brand new stage in my life I have started thinking about the kind of mother I want to be. Unfortunatly for me I am not one of those overweight women whose energy goes uneffected by the weight so I have to think long and hard about how my body and vices could contribute to the lack of interest in my children. I have seen it before where there have been overweight parents who just can't maintain the energy possible to play with their children and to fight all that pain they feel they just isolate themselves. I don't want to be like that. I want to be the type of parent who will take my children on nature hikes in the mountains or plays baseball with them outside. I want to be the type of parent who has the energy to keep up with a child all day instead of praying they need a nap soon.
The truth is I know my current lifestyle is not healthy from fast food runs to late night pizza sessions I am not only lowering my quality of life but putting myself at risk for a lot of diseases. But how do you change your current lifestyle without changing all those great things about yourself. I don't want to be skinny for the sake of being skinny so I am not giving into the socital idea of beauty so I can be proud there. Although I would never hope for my children to face these food challenges like me so I guess I am hypocritical there.

I think everytime I have tried to lose weight it comes dangerously close to troubling my identity which has already been challenged enough as it is. I have such a hard time making that identity change because there are so many great things about your old identity. I think it gets scarey because you risk losing a lot more than just weight. That sense of self becomes completely rattled and then you are left looking back at the old days. Of course we all need to grow and change but this has always been so hard for me. I get scared that I will lose valuable friends or that wonderful sensation of making it up to the buffet. (Yes I know how sad that sounds).
Food is more than just something you eat it facilitates friendships, it aids in social gatherings, it makes you feel happy when you have had a rough day, or celebrate something great. Lately I have realized that I am truly addicted to food. Well I always knew that but recently I have been relishing in my addiction.
Bottom line is that I know I have to make a change (know when to say "uncle"--ha!) but I am very scared of doing it. I have thought about incorporating an additional element to my weight loss team after the baby is born. I have been thinking about going to counseling about my associations with food and seeing if they can assist me in finding a healthy balance between appreciating good food and going way beyond. I think having that extra person who is unbiased to talk to may really help. I know visting with Paulette I have learned a lot about myself and my motivations but I think I need a person who is trained in psychology to help me really face the identity issues. I am afraid that facing them will be one unresolved middle school pain after another but perhaps that is what I need to get my mind where it needs to be--focused on my family, friends, and quality of life. You never know who the new you will end up being. So as you change and evolve into this new person who is still you but a different you then there is this huge awkwardness created whenever you are faced with remnants of the old you. It's like you can see your past self and how they would react to whatever the situation is and you feel like you are some kind of alien you and that now everyone is looking at you exepecting you to be that person (the old you) but you aren't. You want so badly to be that person for them to make you more comforable and reaffirm who you are to them but you just can't even if you turned back you are still different. There have been so many life changes throughout these past few years that I already feel strange being who I am in front of people who knew me as I was. I just hate that astrangement that I am pretty sure I am creating myself. You just get so scared that with all this changing you won't be left anymore and then one day you will look at yourself and say who am I.
I am not saying all that I am is in my weight but these ideas these thoughts they are what really hold me back and always have. I get scared that I won't be able to recognize who I am.

I know though that without that risk I can't be happy because we can't all be stuck in the identity we chose in high school, college, etc. I also know that friends can come and go throughout life but those amazing life long friends are life long because they understand the changes and are willing to take the ride with you and I definatly have that. (Ha I wanted to insert a little analogy comparing my friends to Jessica Simpsons career and how even though she is trying new things she won't lose those die hard fans-- I just want you all to know you are like Jessica Simpson to me--laughing yet?)

I don't care about being skinny I just need to be free from the hold that the food has on me. I need to push myself to go to the gym. I need to enjoy activities that involve energy instead of being afraid of them. I am always so frightened of doing activities with lots of walking or anything like that because deep inside I know I can't handle it without taking breaths.
The hard part of trying to lose weight (not now of course since I am pregnant but after the baby is born) is the fact that diets/ life changes whatever you want to call them always make me feel bad about myself. It's like torture to say no when you really want whatever it is and then on top of that you know that you aren't letting yourself have whatever it is because you have acknowledged within yourself that there is a problem--with you. I hate that I don't want to say that I have a problem that needs a solution I just want to have energy to do things. I guess the lack of energy is a problem and therefore I have a problem. I have to take a risk- I said it before and I'll say it again-and maybe taking this risk will be easier because whether I like it or not my identity is changing. Once the baby is born I will be a mother and no matter what it is my responsibility to give the baby whatever it needs now and for the rest of it's life. If that is a complete identity overhaul then I don't know what so maybe the time is just right for a change.
We'll have to see in later posts I guess.

Check & Mate

I am ready for the weekend. It's been really hard to get up this week for whatever reason. I am feeling like I need to catch up on some more sleep. This weekend we are going to Trevor and Lauren's wedding and then the next day we are going to celebrate my dad's birthday at Cozy so we have a lot of driving and running around to do. Tomorrow we are scheduled to have a game night with Pat and Melissa although I am not sure if Stan finalized the details (meaning where we are all planning to have it and stuff). I think I may try to schedule a little time to get started on the nursery decorations. That way we will have most of everything together for whenever we do get some free time to put it up.

This will also give us an idea of where we want everything to be. I have somewhat of an idea of where I want all the furniture but I am worried that I might have estimated the space wrong (since spatial orientation I have not).

Sensing Ramblers

I have been working really hard on getting our house together and I think I made a major stride yesterday. My goal for today is to put all the clean laundry away and wash the blankets that are in the baby's room. We are trying to get that room all cleaned out so we can start putting everything "baby" in there. It is going to be really weird when it looks less like an extra junk room and more like a nursery. Another assignment I have given myself for this week is to move all the holiday decorations from the downstairs into upstairs storage. After that things should be looking good. I have some little things for Stan to get done but for the most part we are on the way to finishing everything. It is so bad we got the floors done in like May and we still haven't fully recovered. We are working really hard on trying to get everything put away in a place that is right for it. I am going to move my cookbooks into one of the upper cabinents in the kitchen and I am eventually going to reorganize where the dishes and everything are in the kitchen as well.

Then onto the baby's room. I think once we find out the gender we will make more progress on how it is going to look. I am hoping for the next free weekend that we have to get all the painting for the nursery and the guest bathrooms finished. I am looking to get most of the decorating done by September. I don't want to wait too long because I am due so close to Christmas and the last thing I want is to have a million things on my list of "to dos" for both baby and Christmas. I know this sounds crazy and possibly a little impossible but I really wanted to host another Christmas Eve like last year. It was so neat having all these people at the house for Christmas. And although getting everything together was a little stressful it was still a total blast. I just love the holidays I like the feeling that everyone has and how people come together. You gotta love all the different dynamics that are created within a family as well because everyone has their own strong personality and they aren't afraid to let it show since it is all family so you just are totally open and crazy. I like that people who aren't afraid to just be themselves. I know if the baby is born before Christmas Eve this dinner will be almost impossible but I think with Stan's help we can pull it off unless of course the baby is born on like the 23rd or the 22nd and in which case I will be in the hospital still and last I checked they won't let you out to make a turkey.

I am so excited about everything that has been going on recently from interviewing daycares to thinking about what stuff we will need for the baby it is just such an exciting time. I have to admit it is really nerve wracking as well. Like when I realize I am going to be a mommy in December and I think about the daily mommy stuff it is just really crazy. I think that is why I have been in such a cleaning mood recently, I start thinking about what it is going to be like in such a short amount of time and then I feel so unprepared (I am sure the whole hormone cocktail doesn't hurt either). I totally understand the concept of nesting now. You just feel so out of control and you look for like the smallest thing to get you feeling like things are ok and you have everything under control. What's really funny is how that tries to fight against the fact that I am really lazy and on top of that I am indecisive so I spend half my time running around like a chicken with my head cut off and the other half telling myself to take it easy and relax. Ahhh the complexities of me! I just look around and notice all the things that are left to be done and I think about what a danger zone our place would be right now for a kid. Of course it takes a while for the logical side to step in and say "Grace you don't have any kids so all this chaos and danger is really of no consequence right now". (Usually by the time I reach that thought I have cleaned up a whole bunch of things and completely tired myself out.) I will find the balance between clean and comfortable soon though and it should last about a week so I can see some rest in my future.

A Dark Knight

Last night, Stan and I went with John to go see the new Batman movie. I was not really that impressed with the movie but I do have to agree with what people have been saying Heath Ledger was genious in the movie! I just love watching actors when they are completely engrossed by a role. He created mannerisms for the Joker and stuck with them throughout not to mention the fact that he completely got rid of his own mannerisms to fully create the character. Actually his performance was so great that it made Christian Bale look horrible. The whole time I found myself getting really annoyed whenever Batman had screentime and longer to see the Joker again. I thought the plot was kinda weak and of course I really thought they made their big twist a little too obvious. The second I saw one small clue I was able to turn to Stan and say exactly what was going to happen. Although maybe I was just nerdier than everyone in the audience because they didn't seem to catch on until the action was actually happening. Is this vague enough for y'all who haven't seen the movie yet? I am trying to be nice and not really give anything away in case there is anyone reading this who hasn't been to see it yet.
My next movie to conquer is going to be Mamma Mia. I am so excited because I think that it is going to be lame but it is chock full of ABBA music! Yeah ABBA!!!!!! I am thinking since I need to avoid the sun a lot right now that the movies maybe the best thing for me this year. Plus once I have the baby I think that my movie times will be limited so I should get it all in now before it's too late.
This weekend we are going to be super busy. Trevor and Lauren are getting married on July 26th which I am really excited about. I think weddings are so cool and still gives me those feelings of when Stan and I got married. Even just watching people get married makes you remember everything that was going through your head before it all began. It's so crazy all those butterflys you get in your belly and then the day comes and you are on complete auto pilot for the whole day. What I loved was waking up the next morning and calling myself Mrs. Murgolo or saying that Stan was my husband and I am his wife etc. It was great on the honeymoon too since we put everything in my name so I could hear Grace Murgolo everywhere I went. It's a good way to get you used to your new name. You know what else is great about weddings is that everything is so new and exciting I love that!!!
Then on the 27th we are going out to dinner with my mom and dad to celebrate my dad's birthday. All in all it is going to be a huge weekend.
Luckfully this week is going to be really relaxing I just have some loose ends to tie up here at work and then I am coasting for the rest of the week. I have had some really busy weeks recently where the work was just piling up so I am happy I was able to get through it and still be sane. Now I know I need to enjoy these next few days because more work will be just around the corner. Although I think the next round is supposed to be relatively light so maybe it will be easier for me just around the bend.

Time Delay

Today is a very easy going day which in some ways is good but in others it means that I should face all that filing I have been putting off and get everything together for the next round. Of course as to whether I will choose to use the time in this manner has yet to be seen. I have been looking forward to a good "lull" in the action now for a while so I could just get some well needed rest and this might be just the answer to my prayers.
I am also trying to catch up a little on my baby research. I know I really need to sign up for my birthing classes to ensure that I get the right one and Stan and I should also get together about our Daycare questions and figure out whether it is even feasible. All these things to think about meanwhile I am on my 4th bottle of water trying to fill the sac and I know very well that I went to the bathroom not 15 minutes ago but I am already feeling the urge to go. I am really hoping all this increase in water helps out. It's so quiet in here today and I have another one of my sinus headaches so I am looking forward to being able to just chill out and not have any disturbances.
Tonight I have my visit with Paulette so I will have to see what she recommends (other than the obvious keeping drinking water). I have to say that I am pretty much betting that this whole low water thing is about it being summer and I just have to overcompensate for the heat. I just want to be sure that we get everything back to where it needs to be so we can get some nice images. Also I am going to have to convince the little one in there to show me the goods so we can finish up that registry. We basically have 8 more days until the next big sonogram--oh well more pictures for the Maybe Baby site. Also I want a nice profile picture for the mantle. I am ready to be the proud mama with my baby pictures all around.
So as you can see I am doing a great job of delaying the inevitable so it's time to go and get it done!

Daycare Dilemmas

Yesterday after our disppointing sonogram Stan and I explored the world of local daycares. I knew that having a baby would be expensive with the diapers, wipes, toys, etc. but never did I realize that paying for daycare would be like paying for a second mortgage. Everywhere was well over a thousand dollars a month! We looked into several daycares in the area of our home and then when we got back to the car each time we would discuss the pros and cons of each and at the very end we ranked them. Our favorite was by far the Goddard School. We both were so impressed with the quality of staff, the excellent facility, and their outside areas. We loved seeing all the cute kids too. They all seemed so happy hanging out with their friends and flashing these big smiles. At Goddard they have programs where they try to get children to appreciate art and music etc. While we were there two kid were listening to a music tape and then one of the kids says to the other "listen to this part, it's really rockin'" Stan and I nearly died laughing it was so cute! I said to Stan later that was a boy after his own heart. We still have one facility left to visit and then we are going to have to make a really tough decision.

I am very certain that I would feel really comfortable with my kid at Goddard but the problem arises how will we be able to afford that kind of cost? I was talking to one of the doctors at my work about it since she has been giving me really great daycare advice and she said that was exactly what she went through.
The hard part in everything is weighing out whether we are making more money with me employed or if we would actually be saving money if I stayed home. What further complicates things is that I may not be making the big bucks now but the promotions in the government are yearly so I have the potential to make much more in the future. In addition you can't beat the government benefits. Not only do we have top of the line health insurance but we also have an amazing retirement plan. Not to mention the sick leave and annual leave--all the holidays off! Then here's the icing on the cake, as it stands now I am incredibly happy with my job. I love the people I work with and have made some awesome friends there. I have impressed people and have recieved a lot of accolades. I feel that I found a work environment that I not only want to succeed in but enjoy the work that I am doing. I always remember that the research we are listening to and eventually funding improves the quality of life for millions of people. Our particular research helps those people with addictive behaviors to improve their lives and potentially be able to beat the habit that controls them. I love how mentally stimulating the job is. I go to work and I get the unique opportunity to learn about the cutting edge theories on addictive behaviors as the scientists explore why people are attracted to the substances or whatever it is they are addicted to. It is a small job in the grander scheme of things but it facilitates these discoveries to happen. So now I have to weigh all of this against the fact that staying at home with the baby would award me the opportunity to share in the early parts of my child's life.

Adventures In Babysitting

Ha! I miss that movie--I remember watching it as a little girl and thinking they were all such cool teenagers. Anyway Stan and I got to babysit for William on Saturday and we had a blast. It was actually a neat way for Stan and I to brush up on our baby skills before our little one came and I liked getting the chance to spend some quality time with William (especially because I am determined to be the Auntie who gets to spoil him.) I just love his personality--he is so laid back and has this great little smile. He just loves to run around and play with things and I am always so amazed at how smart he is. Its cool he will see a toy and will inspect it and develops an understanding on how it works. He is also really good at understanding what you are saying to him like when I would ask hime to show me his toys he would go over to the bin and pick out a toy and then demonstrate how it worked to me. Its good before our baby gets here to spend some one on one time with William too and I know Stan has been itching to hang out with his nephew. They have so much fun together--it's cute.
When John and Maggie got home we all hung out at the house for a little while and then we met Stan's parents at the Macaroni Grill.
Stan and I were going to go to Delaware on Sunday but we decided to postpone it for a week and went to James Gang with my parents and then went back to their house to play cards. I got a little tired and just went out on the couch and watched the History Channel--It was on Roman torture so I was entertained.
That was pretty much it for our weekend. I really needed rest and I think I was defantly able to have that, and I got to have a great time bonding with my nephew. So all in all it was a great time and exactly what I needed!

Rest Assured

Yeah Hell week is over and I am now able to get some well deserved rest. Yesterday my meeting ended around 11 or 12 so I was able to come home, order a pizza, take a hot bath, and just sleep! It was fantastic. I love these restful weekends where the only really big committment you have is to your growling stomach! I think tomorrow we may drive up to Delware for a NIcola pizza run (in honor of the big sonogram on Wednesday) and just enjoy being a childless couple with no plans and no responsibilities. (Sorry to Sugar who we actually are responsible for).

So I am thinking of the babymoon still and after meeting some great Canadians recently I am even more convinced that I should head North and see what Canada is all about. I have been researching cruises online and then thinking about how much it would be if we just drove and stayed in a hotel. I kinda feel like a cruise would be more worth it because we could have fun on the ship in addition to getting to see all around Eastern Canada instead of just one province. I think it would be great to see a place I have never been and wouldn't really be all that expensive to go.

Everything went great this past week although I know I was pushing it a little and by the end of those really long days I was getting really grouchy! I even threw a two year old like hissy fit so let's just say my 3 hour nap on Friday was definatly needed. Now I can forget about all the stress and focus on what I have been looking forward to for a while now--the ultrasound! Stan and I are thinking about going to BabiesRUs next weekend and finishing up our registry (well if we are lucky and do find out the gender). We have registered for a lot of stuff already so the next real step will be to figure out some gender specific things we will be needing. I think if the baby turns out to be a boy then we won't focus on the gender specific stuff as much but I may want some small girlie girl things. I can't help it I love how much of a girlie girl Sarah is and how she love princesses and castles and I kinda want a little girl like that. I love tom boys too but I just adore her style and can't help it.

Other than that we will have to stay tuned to see what is in store!

That is so Avant Guard

This week is filled with two count em two meetings for me! I am already feeling overwhelmed and of course I wake up feeling the symptoms of my brand new cold. For the most part while being pregnant I have been really healthy but this cold is really sending me for a loop. I have absolutely no energy and my whole body is just ready to collapse in my nice comfortable bed. The whole no time factor though makes it nearly impossible for me to even think about nap time. I will just have to catch a few zzz's where I can.

I can't wait to have this week over and done with so I can have a nice relaxing weekend. I need some recovery time since last weekend was pretty busy. After all this that has been going on I am really thinking about researching cruises to Canada. I figure maybe if Stan and I take a mini baby moon and go off to another place we can come back feeling just a little more refreshed. Of course I have yet to see what the dollars will decide so better not sound too certain about the whole thing. I think I have to have a passport though so I will have to leave time for that. Actually I should get one anyway so that I won't have to worry about traveling in and out of the counrty. Oh Canada would be so nice, I think.

Ok enough dreaming for me and back to grind!

Check The Slayer Style

Today has been crazy and I have to say that it is only going to get worse this week. I have 4 meetings scheduled for this week which means Tuesday thru Friday I am going to be waking up super early and staying really late. All I can think is overtime is good it will buy you nice shiny things like a big screen TV. I know that is pitiful but what can I say I am exausted and I have to keep morale up somehow. I think that Margot has been assigning me too many things and it is starting to get overwhelming, but I just have to keep in mind that it means I am doing a really good job and that my efforts are being noticed.
This weekend was busy for Stan and I. It's funny you look forward all week to the weekend and find that you need to recover more from all the activities over the weekend than from your working time. Anyway, we went to Annapolis with Stan's Mom and Dad for the 4th of July. It was so much fun! I love historic Annapolis all the buildings are so beautiful and it has such a laid back vibe. We walked all around and had dinner at Stan's favorite resterant, Phillips. It was fantastic and we saved a great deal of money by splitting dishes. Betty and I got the crab cakes and Stan and his dad split the Mahi-Mahi.
Before we went to the downtown area we went to the Annapolis Mall and shopped all around. We found many cute baby things. Betty bought some super cute teddy bear items (onesie, bib, socks, hat, etc.) from Gymboree and we bought some maternity clothes for me. I tried on the belly with the clothes to make sure what I was getting would last for the whole pregnancy and I had a blast coming out of there and modeling my outfit with this huge belly. I felt like jabba the hut or something. It was great.
On the fifth I went to Angie's house to celebrate her and Matt Schultz's birthdays. We had a great time and it is always so good to see all the people from high school again. (Rob totally went to our high school so he counts too). Yesterday Stan and I went down to his parent's house and ate yummy food and played badmitten. I had such a physically active weekend that my body is just done today but I think I will go home and rest up so I can make it through the rest of the week.
Time for sleep.

A Belly Full of Jelly

My stomach feels all crampy and nasty today but the office is basically empty so I can't complain. Actually its nice to have the quiet here so I can get some of the filing done I have needed to do for a while. I know I want to get all the filing done and everything before the next round assignments come out so now is as good a time as any. Its so quiet in here that it feels like its already 5 p.m. and it is only 9 a.m. I think people may start trickeling in here a little late though. I was thinking about ducking out a little early today and beginning my holiday a little earlier than planned. I already have a little drama I am dealing with from a hotel I am using for one of my meetings. It is a beautiful hotel but such lousey service. I don't think I will be rushing back there anytime soon.

Anyway, I talked to Stan about the UMUC thing and he said that the college isn't really respect but I think if you have a master's that says hey I have a masters and yeah! Plus it would be nice to be able to do class online instead of have to go to a classroom for everything. It will fit into my crazy schedule a lot more and I think it would help me out when I get to the next step. Although I am always doing this where I find my next big thing and then find I am unable to complete whatever. I still wanted to do CNP but that wouldn't have worked out since I would have to eventually quit this job for my RN internship hours and they are unpaid. Also with the baby I think I should think about working for the government more and what facilities in the government I could work for. Plus I love all the wonderful benefits offered here at NIH. Maybe I can mix the two and do PR for NICHD. We'll have to see!

Lessons In Public Relations

I have been thinking a lot about where I am at in my career path and where I intend to go from here. I already made a huge step by finally ceasing one of those much coveted government jobs but this job will only take me so far. I have a friend here at NIDA who has been working as a GTA (my position) while working on her master's degree at UMUC. I can tell she is on her way up. She knows that she wants more than where she is at now and is thankful that she has the experience that she has but is ready to move on. I wonder when I have been here three years and I am about to get my seven where will I go from there? So I started thinking about maybe applying to UMUC to complete an online Master's course in Public Relations. I visited the website not really sure what I wanted to do and then read more on this career. I was thinking about how neat it woudl be to be a Director of Public Relations or Director of Media Relations. Although this could be another one of my schemes where I go full hog into something and then back out when something else comes along but I was thinking that I am at a pretty stable place in my life in terms of career. I know for the next three years or so I will be working for DEAS at NIDA and I will have fun with this job but I think it will be a way of ensuring that the next step I take isn't just something that falls into my lap but rather a chosen step. Also, it would be a smooth transistion from one government position into the next.
This job is great for now but I don't want to get stuck here. I love planning the meetings and I really love hearing the science before it is a discovery. The people here are all so fantastic and I have fun when I come into work. When I look around at the people who have tried to go far with DEAS I realize they are all really old and that makes me think that my promotion potential maybe more limited than in other areas of the government. Plus as great as this job maybe it is not using my talents as much as I would have liked. Although I do have to say that the Director of OEA is an extraordinary person and an amazing role model. She looks at each of us and wants to foster our talents. She told me that I have a real talent for reading in between the words that a person is saying that I can sense things about them and that I am astute when it comes to people. I love that she pays enough attention to pick up on that. I have to admit I am partial to her because she has this warm smile and inviting presence. I think she is a real reason why I want to do well here. I see what an accomplished person she is and how great she is to each of us and I aspire to be like that.

I have realized though that my Bachlor's in Theatre Film and Media Studies can only take me so far in this world and I need to expand out and explore my skills. I am just wondering if I will be any good at Public Relations. I know this sounds weird but I think I want to choose a career that comes easy to me because of who I am. Well maybe saying "comes easy to me" isn't putting it correctly, I do want to work for the career but I want it to be something that access my knacks. An example would be Audre who loves to write and has a knack for picking up things within someone's writing. She can see the author's point sometimes clearer than they can and I think that is real talent and she is putting it to work. I think if I put my talents to work and really use them I will love what I do. I got a lot of this theory from working here and associating with people. Our office has become so popular, not just for the GTAs but also the SROs. They all love to come in here and we all talk about things and get along so well. Maybe I am good at bringing people out of their shells and making them talk, and we all know that I am good at covering things up.
I guess it's natural when you have gotten somewhere and felt already like you have achieved a lot to then look at what will be next for you so you are not some fallen high school football star wishing your glory days weren't wasted when you were younger. Plus HELLO I want some $$ yes cold hard cash because mamma needs a new TV (a nice big one so Audre and I can watch all sorts of SMG movies while dinning on cheesecake).

Dull Day

I am ready for a massive nap. I think when I get home tonight I am going to lay my head down and just rest for a little while before we head out to the Orioles game. I am all excited to cheer on my #30 Luke guy who hit a homerun last time we were there. I have just decided that I really like the name Luke and if I can convince Stan then there may be another baby name potential.

I never realized how hard it would be trying to look at names. At first I thought it would be pretty easy but knowing that the baby will have to live with this name forever put the pressure on. I am good with a girl's name so I am actually hoping for a girl so we can just go with that and be done with it. I have a strong feeling its a boy though so I am thinking I am in for some serious research.

Not really that much has been going on with us recently. Ever since we got the new flooring we have just been concentrating on going through all of our stuff and making decisions on whether it is worth it to have around the house or not. Things are looking really nice so far but we are going through things in segments and being slow about it all. Stan put up my curtains last week so I am all excited to be at home in my nice living room. I love curtains they make you feel like you are at home. Plus they absorb some of our sound which with Stan and I is good thing.