Drowning

I can't even begin to describe my feelings right now, I have been bowled over, pushed around, and am an emotional mess. On top of all the feelings of possibly having to deal with a serious medical situation I have untrained advice flying at me from the four corners of the universe, and people speaking as authorties on issues they have no true knowledge of. So I am laying down the line here and now, I have done extensive research on this myself, I have tried to remain calm in order that I may handle any situation I may have to face with the utmost courage and civility, and I have tried/ currently am trying everything within my power to prevent any issues down the line. To doubt that would not only be an extreme error on your behalf but would also prove how little you know about a person and their love for their child.

I understand that men may not be able to feel that connection with their child during the gestational period due to the obvious seperation but the story is incredibly different for a woman. First, it is essential to understand that as a mother there is not only a physical connection to your child but an inseperable bond that forms almost instantly. The baby is residing within your body and that feeling is not only overpowering but incredibly intimidating. Every decision you make has an effect on your new resident from drinking sodas and eating chocolate to how you chose to live before the baby even came around. Parents can only do the best they can by making the decisions they feel are best for their child and a true parent would never endanger their child by ignoring medical advice. I would like everyone to rest assured that I am drinking plenty of water and I have been for quite sometime.

In addition, I am writing this so that everyone can understand that I am not only extremely offended by the accusations I have just recently had to face but that I have absolutly nothing to hide. I have always lived my life publicly and I tell people anything they want to know. I have tried to be honest and clear on who I am and on my actions (now and of the past).

I understand everyone's concern and I am extremely grateful for the love that I recieve from our family, our amazing friends, and all the people who I work with. My office mate has been bringing me gallon jugs of water to drink in addition to all the bottled water I have been carrying. She has listened and supported and I am eternally grateful for her and her family who have been so caring for me. Also each and every one of my friends has stood behind me, called me to make sure I was ok, and been there to assure me that I have people behind me during all of this. These are supportive actions not ones that only further the emotional insecurities I am already feeling. These actions are not only helpful for right now but will forever be in my mind what gave me strength.

I know I have the appearence of being very happy go lucky all the time and that in general I am an extremely laidback person but please do not forget my craft. I am extremely strong and I am really good at pushing back feelings in order to support others. Trust me that I am very worried but I am not going to overreact to the situation.

Currently, all we know is the fluid level was still low, lower than last time, the baby has been growing at the correct rate, and that next week we have an appointment with a specialist. There is no need to worry now because the baby is not in jepardy at this point and we are doing everything we can in partnership with our capable doctors to ensure that the baby will not incur problems down the line. I understand the situation is very serious and there are negative outcomes but we may not even have to face those outcomes. We have to look at things from both sides and consider the possibilty that everything will be ok. I refuse to allow my mind to dwell any further into those negativities until I am sure that is what I am facing. I have gained a background knowledge as I am sure you have but we do not have the skills to put that knowledge into practice--all we know are the facts in general. One thing I have learned from my many years learning homeopathy from Angie's mom is we all may be connected spiritually but are bodies are not all susinct. Each body has a new mystery as to why it is reacting in this way and generalizations are not case specific facts. It is incredibly important to remember this in the time of self diagnosis (thanks to internet doctors etc).

I would like to reiterate that I am doing everything that is currently within my power to ensure that this baby will be healthy. I am drinking the fluids neccessary and that I am resting as much as my possible. I appreciate your love and care but wanted you to know that a personal attack does not properly convey that support but instead gives me another obstical to face. I understand that your heart is in the right place but I need you to understand that what I need from you right now is simply the kind of support I described earlier.