Cabin Fever

Gone are the days where I can be satisfied just sitting around doing nothing. Today was pure torture, almost everything I wanted to get done involved a little manual labor and therefore had to wait for Stan, I couldn't go outside because our steps are icy, and I quickly grew tired of just blankly staring at the TV screen. I did get the laundry cleaned and now all I have to do is sort it all and put it away. I would make such a poor shut-in. Fortunatly my dad has offered to come down tomorrow and hang out with me (he has been craving some time away from the doggers). I was thinking we could go to the movies or something since those will be few and far between once Wyatt makes his entrance. I know that I am just stir crazy because I am so excited to see the baby and to finally get to hold him in my arms. I am also not going to lie it will be nice to be able to lay on my back again because my hips are getting super sore. I keep trying to persuade Wyatt to be born but I guess he isn't as ready as I am.
Tomorrow I am taking Sugar to get groomed so she looks all nice and pretty for us when we get home, and I have to call the pediatricians office and speak with the lactation consultants. I also have some craft projects I have been planning so I may make a trip out to Target in the morning to get all my supplies.
Work called me three times today so at least I know I am missed although it makes it all the more tempting to just go back to work until the baby is born. Perhaps if he isn't born by Thursday I will just break down and go back to work until he comes. I already miss everyone and have been thinking about how lucky I am to be hired at such an amazing workplace.

I just can't believe I am sitting here on the edge of it all about to have a baby. I don't think I have fully grasped the magnitude of it all. That at some point very soon I will be a mommy. Pretty crazy. I am lucky to have so many great people who can help me sort out all those baby questions. I keep reflecting on my own experiences with Baby Annabelle and Baby Sarah and wondering how the experience of this being my own baby will differ. I have all these amazing memories of them throughout their infant/toddler years and remember these huge breaking moments like when they first crawled, walk, spoke. Each moment was so amazing and I was so glad to be a part of it all. I just can't wait until I am a parent. I am also really excited to see Stan with Wyatt, and how he will be as a father.

Where Am I Going To?

I know it isn't for good and somehow I still volunteered to be working on a project while I am on maternity leave but I am still feeling very sad about leaving today knowing that I won't be returning for many moons. I just have my space here and my life here that has been something that has brought me so much joy and to leave it all behind temporarily feels wrong. It is so nice to be at a place where I feel accomplished and appreciated. It is so rewarding to be working with people who bring so much support and joy and food into the office. By far, Terri has been the best boss. She has been a person who I can learn from and who welcomes our growth (both inside and outside of the office). I love how she fosters our dreams and encourages our continnual persuit of education. I don't think I realized how sad this day would actually be for me. I guess I assumed that the "break" would be more welcomed but I can't help but wonder what is going to happen now? How will my committment to my work or my performance differ from its current position? Will I be able to balance work and home now that the baby will be present (c'mon now we all know I am not good at switching focuses like that)

Thanksgiving and more

So to celebrate what is prob. one of my favorite holidays we went to my Grandma Peggy's house. My mom, my Aunt, and I prepared the dinner for everyone to feast on. It was a great time! My dad led us in the blessing this year which turned out to be the most hilarious prayer to date. I believe he thanked God for him and my mom "muddeling along" and same with my Aunt and Uncle. It was too funny. Then we all ate way way way too much food and sacked out on the couch. We also celebrated my Aunt Carol's birthday with a chocolate cake (made by moi) and lots of dessert. The whole day everyone was waiting for me to go into labor. Lucky for me all I had to get through was some gas pains last night (which is no different from anyone else on Thanksgiving.)
This year we have so much to be Thankful for and I was really just using the time yesterday to reflect on all of that. Over the course of the year I found a job that I really enjoy doing and was able to learn the ins and outs of the job enough to become a mentor to others, I had lost a great deal of weight, explored acupuncture which has led to the suppression of my cysts, and of course going through a pregnancy and being on the verge of motherhood. In fact this time last year was our unsuccessful IUI. I remembered being so excited as I was finally able to go through the whole process and how upsetting it was to find out that it wasn't successful. Little did I know that thanks to the ovulation monitor I bought, the alternative medicine treatments I was recieving, a committment to weight loss, and everything we would be able to concieve a couple of months later. This may sound funny but I am thankful for the whole experience. To be challenged to get myself to a point where my body would be ready for this, to mature as an adult, to explore the human body and how it functions. I learned a lot about my body and became more in-tune with why my body produces the cysts and why they stick around a little longer than most. I learned about managing my body for a better life and why health has to be a focus (Its like I finally understand the whole Cabaret plot-just kidding).

Now, I am surrounded by things that will be used in the next coming year. Each item stikes a prediction for the year to come how many changes I will see come out of our son, getting to see our son, and growing into yet another stage in our lives-parents.

Following Up

Going back to my last entry I realized how absolutly right my Nay Sayer was. Oh the amazing time I had at this past meeting. In the middle of the night I remembered that I had forgotten to print out the forms where the scientists take their notes. Fortunatly Sonya is always in by 6 am so I knew that would be no problem at all. Next thing I forgot was to bring my own power strips. This is a fairly new procedure in the IC so I wasn't going to sweat it but I do have to remember for all my meetings coming up that the power strips are supplied and laid down by us and so the hotel will not do it for me. Actually it turned out to be more than ok that I forgot the power strips because I would have had to lay them all by myself and I am physically unable to at this time. Now onto what I feel was the worst part of my entire meeting. I was supposed to have a trainee there to assist me in the set-up of my meeting. I was actually pretty relieved despite our recent problems with the new people. I mean it was just nice to know that in an emergency I had back-up. After waiting outside for her in the cold for 10 minutes I decided to describe her to the concierge and the parking staff and to have the front desk let her know what room we were in. I went downstairs with all my meeting materials and began my set-up. As my meeting approached I decided to call Sonya and see if she had heard anything from the new person. And wow what a shocker there was no news. I was freaking out thinking this girl is prob. dead somewhere or really sick or something crazy bad. Then I get a call back from Sonya and guess who had just walked in the door. Oh yes, I was hot. I mean so mad I immediatly called our team leader and lost it on the phone. The worst part of it all is the girl was blaming me for not giving her the information for the meeting in e mail form. Oh I am sooooo sorry miss I have absolutly no work to do and don't have the good sense to be an adult who looks out for myself and ask a person what information I need to know. I mean of course I who has to be keeping track of my jobs, mentoring in contracts, and getting ready for my meeting should stop everything because I need to reach out to you. I don't know I was just livid. After a little bit of thinking time I decided that my job is not to be mad but to make sure that the IC has efficent ESAs so I called back and invited the girl to leave now and meet me at the meeting. I let her know that I will take responsibility in the sense that I did not reach out to her enough however she is an adult and needs to take initive because in the IC people are busy and focused on their jobs and responsibilities and may not be looking at what is concerning you. In addition my door is always open, e-mail always checked, and phone lines answered so I am available if she needs something but she has to come to me because my mind may not be in the same place as hers at that moment. I also explained to her that you can find meeting locations for everyone in the system and they are also written on our tracking board in the back and on top of that everyone else knew where the meeting was and how to get there so asking them would have helped her as well. I also explained that my inital reaction came from a place of worry which transformed into anger when I realized that she had been at work and didn't bother to call my cell phone to let me know of her decision (my number is right there on the wall next to her telephone). But this is an issue of miscommunication and since we have pinpointed it we both have learned what we need to do to ensure that this would not happen again. On that note I let her know that she was more than welcome to come to the meeting which hadn't started yet.
She gave me the biggest attitude on the telephone. She was just passing off everything I was saying which then really pissed me off because my attempt to be diplomatic and to say we both took fault but let's move forward was just passed off. After that I have to say I am pretty much done with her on any kind of social level. I will however still try to remain nice to her and just try to move past all of it not because I feel guilty at all but because she needs to learn and we have already discovered that she is a slow learner so I need to be patient and help her in any way I can.
In the end my meeting went well and I was able to get through this week pretty much unscaithed so I am pretty thankful for that.
A little back info. with our little troublemaker, she actually has been causing quite a bit of trouble around there and I don't know whether she falls into this stuff or if she is purposly causing it. I would like to remain positive and say that it is all accidental happenings but over the past couple months she has started a lot of fights. I just really hope something happens for her that makes her realize that this job is pretty nice and the people we work with are really great. It takes time people have shaky starts sometimes but that she can change that if she would like.

In other worlds, I have been really winding down this past week and have found myself pretty much unable to walk at times because there is a lot of pressure down there. He has dropped into the birth canal and is now just awaiting his time. Sometimes I will be walking along and feel that pressure and it sykes me out making me feel like he is just going to drop out while I keep on walking (ok I am so not that lucky to have a birth like that). Still the stage is set and all of this is just his little dress rehearsals. I am just hoping I can make it through my last few weeks of work. Actually I have 8 working days exactly--pretty crazy!!

A Long Days Night

I have been going crazy this week trying to get ready for my meeting tomorrow. After working late tonight I am looking forward to getting it all finished tomorrow. This meeting has been such a worry for me since I inherited from a former employee but now that I am standing on the verge of the actual event I am starting to already feel the relief. I have gone the extra mile to ensure that things are organized and I am hoping that all of that paid off. Of course I need to keep fighting that Nay Sayer inside that keeps telling me that you can never be too sure and soon enough I will know what it was I forgot. I think everything is in line but just in case I am going armed with a positive can-do attitude so any emerging problem will be solved gracefully and effectively.

A wonderful opportunity presented itself at work today. We had a representative from the Work-Life Center come out and give us the low down on Individual Development Plans which are plans that we come up with along side our supervisor (optional) to help us to advance to the place that we would like to be. Whether it be through positioning yourself to succeed within your current position by developing skills that you are weaker in or increasing your talents by continnuing to build those skills or it could be that you would like to seek something outside of where you are currently and what skills/requirements you will need to have in order to position yourself for that transistion. I think it is nice too because you begin with anaylizing your goals within the next 1-2 years and then from that point you come up with some goals for the next 3-5 years. By assessing these goals and matching them with the compentensies you will be able to build your way to success. The representative also plugged the work-life office and its ability to career council so I know I am going to check it out. I just love working at a place that fosters that growth and desire. And I love working with people who are willing to help you in anyway to get to where you would like to go.
In other news, we have started making a lot of headway with the baby stuff. There has been so much to build and wash and organize but I think Stan and I are really getting there. It is good too because I feel him being a lot lower than he was before so I am thinking that we have a limited amount of time before Baby Wyatt makes his first big appearence. We still have a lot of preparations but it is nice to see things start to filter out of their boxes and to have these physical representations of the baby. All of a sudden it feels so real which is so...surreal. Stan and I have been making a big effort to get everything clean and situated the best way possible for the baby and actually for William. I have such a blast when he comes over and plays with the toys we have so we are getting a little play area for him set-up here too. That way he knows he is always welcome to come over and play with Uncle Stan Aunt Grace and Cousin Wyatt.

Weekend Madness

I am so excited I am on the very edge of the weekend. My whole goal for the weekend is to be like a huge power house and get a lot finished so our house can go back to being a nice peaceful place (well at least until the baby gets here). I have so much to organize and assemble and Stan has so much manual labor to finish up. I have to say I am looking forward to just forcing both of us to get everything done and just enjoy our last several weeks as just a couple.
This week has been so busy but I think things for the most part have been going pretty well. I have been sleeping a lot better at night and I think the baby has been resting up a lot .

I Voted!!

Yeah take that you non-voting lazy people who are ignoring your CIVIC responsibilty! Anyway I have an I Voted sticker and I had heard that I could get a free burrito from Chipotle but NO that is not true so now I have an I Voted sticker and a burrito that cost me like $8! They put a lot of cheese on so I feel ok with paying. Whoa! Welcome to my sidetrack!

Everyone kept talking about how the polls were insane but Stan and I were in and out like that. We had no line at all which made me wonder if the people who were talking about these long lines just wanted to sleep in and go into work late. Well as long as they actually voted I am cool with that. I kept asking Stan if somehow we ended up with our own personal poll place because it was like that empty.

Work today has been a breeze. The whole day has gone by so fast and before I knew it I was borrowing my team leaders car halfway to an empty chipotle (to give you and indication of how late we actually went to lunch). I feel so productive today like this person who could do anything. I got my mailing materials together, wrote my thank-you notes, contacted the travel service for my RFA, did my part in choosing the leader of the last remaining Super Power, posted pictures onto my other blogs, and of course had time to listen to some super great Motown music! Did I mention that not only did I vote before work but I was one of those who made it on time? There was like no traffic today so we got here super fast! Ok I should stop rubbing in the fact that I am clearly a super hero and go back to rubbing in my participation in the first non-Bush election in 8 years.

Wishing Kevin Smith Luck!!!

I just read a report about Kevin Smith reaching his top weight ever and being worried. Apparently he has gotten so heavy that he broke a toilet. Anyway I wanted to say that I love Kevin Smith because he is totally talented and I would like to see more from him in the future so I completely support his choice to make a healthy life change. I am going to follow him as well as Queen Latifa through their journey to better health in hopes of finding inspiration from their stories.

Happy Halloween!!!!

Sleeping and Waking

In an effort to get more sleep I took off work yesterday but I decided to do the laundry and try to pick up the house and before I knew it the day was over. Last night we celebrated Millie and Aida's birthdays at Maggianos with Stan's dad, Aimee, Aida, Millie, Stan, Me, Maggie, William, and John. We all had a great time and William showed us all what a great sharer he was with his Lucky Charms.

Stan and I are still focusing a lot on trying to get the house ready for the baby. I am really going into crazy mode thinking of all the stuff we have yet to complete. It is cool to start seeing the baby's things in our house. Like I love seeing the furniture in the room and the clothes I have so far hanging up in his closets just waiting for a little wash in Dreft and then for Wyatt's little body to fill them out. I am starting to get used to saying his name and all my fears of the birth have completely melted away. I am just looking forward to finally getting to see him and to get to know him. I keep wondering what his personality will be like and if he will have hair when he is born, what color his eyes/hair is etc.

I also notice a big difference in terms of my body. I have been eating a lot less actually which I feel is fine because we all know I can always stand to eat less. And I have just been really physically exausted by everything. I have to push myself to just make it through a mall. Actually experiencing how hard it is to get around at this weight has really opened my eyes to the challenges I have been putting on my body for so long. I realize so much more what it will be like if I let myself go down the OE road. I still celebrate food but I now know how challenging my life will be if I don't start taking better care of myself. With this weight I have horrible back aches, I can't get off the couch very easily by myself, and I don't have the ambition to do thing. I can't imagine living like this all the time. Not feeling up to doing things because I am afraid of the exercise and because my body is so taxed from the day. I mean hello I am 26 not 80 so I really need to slow my roll a great deal!

The office has been a little stressful recently. I keep pushing myself at work as much as I can but between the commute and the actual work I am afraid I am starting to slow. My work is still right on point so I am not worried about the quality I am putting out at all but I have to say I am worried about what it is going to be like in 2-3 weeks when everything is nearing the due date. I guess I will have to do what I have been trying to do all along and just hang in there, take breaks whenever I need to, and make sure that I am not losing my attention to what is important (getting the work finished).

From the Past to think About the Future

A quote that I felt was very relevent to the election this year:

"My country has in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination concieved."

--John Adams in a letter to Abigail (his wife) on his two terms as Vice President.

Buy Buy Baby

My energy level has now offically reached rock bottom. I am just way too tired today to do anything. I was scheduled to go to a training but decided that I didn't want to go into Bethesda today so I decided to cancel that training in favor of resting in my office.
This weekend was crazy. Stan and I have been putting on the hustle in terms of trying to get the house ready for the baby. While we are at it we have been trying to slowly but surely childproof everything so we can have William come over more often and play. I had so much fun this weekend when he would come over and grab one of the toys we had out there and start playing so Stan and I are going to get everything set-up in the living room and childproof it all so he can feel welcome to come over and play.

On Friday night Stan picked me up from work and we drove over to Buy Buy Baby to get the changing table which just so happened to be in stock (Thank God because it would have taken like 8 weeks to ship and we needed it ASAP for the baby) and while we were there Stan asked the sales associate to check and see if the crib was in and sure enough..it was. Actually it was funny the lady said that they called us on the 17th and I was getting all defensive thinking they never called us I would have gotten the message and all this and that. Finally Stan stopped me mid-rant and reminded me that Friday was the 17th so they called that day and I hadn't been home so I wouldn't have known. You have to love those moments when you realize that you have been going on and you are totally in the wrong. Everything was too big to fit in our car so Stan's dad met us at the store with the Suburban and believe it or not everything was too big to fit in that car so we had to tie the crib to the roof. I was so glad Stan's dad was there because he was a huge help tieing it down and making sure everything was secure. Then we went out to dinner at the mall and went home. That night Stan carried in the crib and the hutch but the dresser was too heavy so on Saturday John came over and helped him carry it in. Then they put the furniture together and we all went out to dinner. On Sunday Stan and I bought the mattress and the changing pad and got that all situated. It looked really nice and everything is Organic cotton and the mattress feels really firm so it should give him some good support. It fits the crib really well. Then my parents came over and we watched the football game while playing scrabble. My mom and I made dinner so then we all sat down to the table and ate. It was really nice. Then later that evening Stan's mom, dad, JOhn, Maggie, adn William stopped by. Sugar gets so hyper everytime she sees William like she really wants to play with him. She gets this huge smile!

I am just pleased that everything is coming along and I have to say I love the fact that everyone has helped with the nursery. It is so nice to have everyone's help and I think it will make for good memories to know how everyone pitched in for the baby. And I think it makes the nursery extra special.

We still have a lot to do but we are getting there and that is a good thing. My goal is to get everything finished by this weekend for the most part since we will be getting more baby stuff in as the date approaches.

TV Zombie

I am switching offices now so I am all excited to say that I am currently blogging from my new more spacious office. I have to say with jobs I have been very fortunate to always have an office. Actually in general I have been very lucky to have the jobs I have had and to work with the people I have worked with. I am just chillin out right now, listening to the Beatles and letting the baby kick for a bit. He has been a sleepy mister recently so I am glad he is getting some exercise even though it is a little uncomfortable.
It has been a pretty busy week and I think this maybe a busy weekend. Stan and I have reached the point where we are really close to getting everything completely together. So this weekend we are focusing on getting everything organized so we can redistribute all of our junk. We are also planning on putting the car seat in the car so I can make the inspection that is planned for this area. I know it isn't a must to have it done but I just want to be sure since we are new parents and therefore have every right to be finicky.

By the way my heart broke on Wednesday when I watched the last ever Bravo hosted Project Runway. I am sad to see it go. I had like my own little visual montage as I wished it goodbye.
I remembered Season One when Angie and I discovered the super coolness of Project Runway and every week would watch the episode and get together to talk about what we had just seen. Ahhh....memories! I just don't see myself watching the Lifetime hosted version since it has moved all the production to California. I liked that New York fashion center of the nation vibe and California...it doesn't have that. I am curious who they are losing in terms of their regular cast though. I hope they don't lose Tim Gunn. I love him, and I think it is so wonderful having him on television subliminally strengthening our vocabulary.

WARNING SLIGHT UGLY BETTY SPOILER!
In other news relating to alternate reality, I watched Ugly Betty last night and man, Gio went to Italy and got hotter!! He came back lookin good! I love how the drama each season just keeps getting thicker and thicker so it falls more and more into that telemundo vibe! It's neat though because it teeters just enough between the over-the-top and reality that it isn't completely lost on the American viewer. Ugly Betty...I salute you!

Long Days....Long Gone

Today was a busy day for me, I had a teleconference and we wished Mo farewell. I am going to miss Mo a lot she was my mentor and taught me so much. Also I think she was the first person to really welcome me here and I am really grateful. This past week has been just crazy because I had three meetings. I had two meetings at the Jury's Hotel in Washington DC which meant that I had to wake up at like 4 am and on top of all of that I have a trainee so I have to be on my best behavior. On top of all of this it was my birthday, my cousin's birthday, and Melinda's birthday so it has been a pretty active week. The nice thing about an active week is the week days just fly by and before you know it you are back to a weekend. And it's a long weekend sweeet!

It's A My Birthday

I have had such a great birthday. I started out my birthday extravaganza on Friday where the girls at the office surprised me by getting a beautiful blue cake and singing happy birthday. It was cute and had a star on it (it was supposed to have a stork but Margot has an accent so the people at the store heard star--I figure either way it is still perfect) and it tasted soooo yummy. Then Stan and my mom and I drove to Bethesda to pick up his momma for my cool birthday surprise trip. Everyone kept it a secret of where we were going and what we were going to do so I was totally in the dark. We drove to Front Royal, VA and checked into the Hampton Inn where we had two adjoining rooms. We rested a little while and then went to Villa Giuseppe's (in honor of our little Giuseppe). The food was excellent!! They had this absolutly amazing garlic bread which was warm and fresh baked and so full of yum. Then we were off to James Madison University where Stan's mom had found tickets to see Vickie Lawrence in her "two" woman show (it was Vickie & Momma). The show was really funny and it was great to be on that beautiful campus with our Mommas. We were all cracking up especially when Momma decided to do a little rap number!!
After that we stopped at a McDonalds for some sweet treats and then back to the hotel to watch all little TV and catch some Zzzs. I had such a great time on the trip!! Then my mom & dad took Stan and I out to Mexicali Cantina in Frederick and they came out and sang to me while I wore a somberro....reminds me of my chi-chis days.

On Sunday I met Angie, Audre, Melinda, and Meredith at Audre's house for a birthday celebration. I had such a great time and it had been so many years since I got a chance to have a girls day for my birthday I was just glad to sit around and talk with everyone while eating the super amazing food they had made. Audre's bean dip and chocolate cupcakes with Reese's peanut butter chips on the inside and outside....bliss!!! We decorated baby onesies which was so much fun and I had loved doing that for Meredith's baby shower so I was so glad when we did it for our little guy!! Now he is super stylin' with one of a kinda coutore designed by his momma and aunties!!!!

Tonight Stan and I are going to the melting pot for a nice romantic meal (not too many more of those once the baby comes) and then it is off to bed (I have to be up super bright and early tomorrow for my meetings).

When All Is Said and Done

Last night I didn't exactly get my beauty sleep so today I came in here like a mad cow. I was getting annoyed with everything and I just had a really poor attitude...luckfully after lunch all my anger was cured (Ahhh the magic of food). Everything here at work has been really picking up for me and it seems like I have less and less free time on the weekends so I decided to take the whole day off yesterday and just rest and relax. I am starting to feel crazier and crazier by the minute since there is so much to do. All of my meetings are next week so I have been spending the majority of my time trying to assemble all the materials and make sure everything is in line. Then on top of that we are starting our childbirth classes on the 13th and there is still so much to do at the house.

I am just trying to remind myself at this point that I need to enjoy as much time alone with Stan as I can because when baby comes everything is going to change. Actually it was fun I was blasting my Hairspray movie and we had the table in the living room pushed back and Stan, Sugar, and I danced around the living room. It was really cute and I am going to try to reenact it so that we can get a video of Sugar dancing. He ended up bringing out a blanket and a pillow and after Hairspray was over we watched "Across the Universe" while he brushed my hair. It was nice to have that time together plus we all know what a nut I am about getting my hair brushed. Ahhh sweet memories!

Weaker

I am gearing up for my Ugly Betty premiere tonight. I have been so busy at work today I haven't had anytime to sit down and really relax so now my ankles are all swollen and I have almost no energy. We are quickly approaching my hell week here at work. All of my meetings happen to fall in the same week which is great in the sense that I am going to be all done after that but bad because I know I am going to be exausted. Like I said I am moving offices and that will prob. be around the 14th or 15th. I will be happy to have some extra space and I really want to have an office partner again its so sad being in here all by myself during the day. I know that moving this stuff is going to quite a feet.
Last night, I kept seeing this crazy flash of light that like blinded everything so I went into the kitchen and filled a towel with warm water and put it on my face. The light stopped after an hour but I had a horrible migrane after that. To top it all off we ended up getting a pizza since I wasn't feeling up to cooking and we ended up eating late which made me really really sick last night. I think I just need to get more rest and stop pushing myself so much. We watched Project Runway last night and it was a pretty neat challenge so I was happy with the episode. Other than that no news is good news!

Can't Stop 'til You Get Enough

I just saw what could be the coolest thing in the universe...a cabbage patch Jessica Simpson doll. Oh yes, my life has now reached its complete stage. There are some really cute ones like a cabbage patch George Bush which looks a lot like him actually.
Things are pretty slow here today most people are out of the office for one reason or another and

I am stuck in my lonely little office. Yesterday one of the other girls announced she too will be leaving which now puts Sonya and I at the #2 spot for Seniority. Sweeeet. Plus I am going to move into her old office spot after she moves which means I will have a lot of privacy and I will get to have Tanya as an office partner. I am pretty excited!

Tonight is Project Runway and tomorrow is Ugly Betty so I am getting all geared up for my stories!

Happy Fall!!!

High Maintainence

So I have this whole new theory on how clean people are able to be busy but still maintain a clean house: everyday chores. I know everyone prob. knows all about how you have to do some chores everyday but to me this is like colassal information. Here comes my new experiment, since Stan already has maintainence chores that he always does I have decided to get on board and start doing certain things everyday to make sure that our house doesn't fall back into complete disarray (or at least until after the baby is here). It isn't much to do (since we all know if it was I wouldn't keep doing it) but I am trying to get myself into a rhythm. This way I can hopefully preserve some of our weekends for fun and sleep and whatever else we can't have during the week.

In My Own Little Corner...

This weekend was crazy trying to do things to get ready for the baby but I am feeling much better now that everything is really moving along. Its really weird to think that in only a few months I will be a mommy. Its crazy how fast things in your life can change.

My office is about to get really lonely since Sonya is moving out today. For the projects she is assigned to she needs more space so I will be in here alone for a little while. I am thinking about moving over to her area so I will have more space since I am in a little corner over here--cozy but cramped. Everything is going really well at work. This week I am going to meet with my supervisor to get everything straight for my maternity leave, and I have been frantically working to put all the elements of my meeting together (since it is just two weeks away) . I know though that after the week of the 6th my work gets really cut down basically to nothing! I have no more meetings or anything so I will just have to make it through scores and summary statements and I will be juuust fine. I think it will be nice to have no assignments until I am out on leave so I can get my mind in gear for what is about to happen. I have roughly 10 weeks left of work and that doesn't include all the holidays that are in between. I wonder if I will miss everything here while I am out with the baby or if I will be so engrossed with that that everything just flys by.

My Weekend Recap: Like I said before I spent a lot of time getting ready for the baby. Ihad tons of laundry to do in order to clear out the nursery and get us back on a good schedule so I spent all of Saturday doing that while Stan ran around getting baby stuff. Then on Saturday night we had dinner with Stan's parents, John, Maggie, and Baby William. Poor William got hurt on a slide at this really neat petting zoo near our place and ended up spraining his ankle. He is doing ok but I think he is going to let it heal before he does more walking on it. He was a real trooper though and we got to see a neat X-ray of his little leg.
On Sunday Stan and his mom painted the nursery while I put the bassinet that I got from Beth back together again. John and Maggie stopped by to say hello and show us William's very first haircut. He looks very cute all trimmed up. Then I went shopping to get Mer something nice for the new baby (who will be here right around the corner). Of course I looked at all this cute on sale baby stuff and couldn't resist so I bought a little for myself too.

Laughed Until I Pee'd

Sonya, Tonya, and I got special permission from Margot to go to the Cheesecake Factory and celebrate our new awards. We had a feast! We each ordered an appetizer, an entree, and a dessert. So Tanya and I decided that it would be cool if we could say it was her birthday and get a free dessert so I told the waiter we are treating her to her birthday lunch and she acted like she didn't want me to tell him it was her birthday. Somewhere between he got confused and brought out a sundae with a candle in it and started singing to Sonya. Poor Sonya had been in the bathroom when Tanya and I thought up this whole plan and the look on her face was priceless. We tried so hard to sing to play the whole thing off but we were laughing way too hard. I started bursting into tears because it was way too funny and then peed a little (ahh Beth gets her Karma from when I made her pee long ago) anyway so I was sitting there cracking up and crying when Tanya blew out the candle. It was awesome!!!!

I Got The Chair!

Ever since I have been working here I have had the worst chair ever with like no back support but I got a new chair with a head rest and it has posture support and is high backed. Life is good!!! I am so into the new headrest. Let us celebrate with some Taco Bell!!!!

Award Winning

I got an award!!! I am so excited and happy right now. Plus I am all in sugar overload! Yeah an award and its called and OSCAR!!!

Pharos Lighthouse

I am in such a great mood now!! I have been assured that everything is alright with the baby, I got a lot of rest last night and this morning, and I am getting a lot of my baby stuff completed. I already wrote in my pregnancy blog about the strides we are making with the baby stuff so I won't repeat too much of that now...except I found a super cool lamp. I haven't ordered it yet but once I do I will post a pic on the other blog so everyone can see. I just love it and it will make the perfect addition to our "Dreamland". Today we are going to find curtain fabric and run some small chores before Stan goes into finish some work at GVA. We still have a lot of home chores but we vowed that we would take it easy this weekend since we were so crazy last weekend. Another huge shocker is next week I will offically be in my third trimester! It is so crazy that everything is going so fast and now things seem to be coming together. I just can't wait until everything really starts showing.

Hard Hat Area

Yesterday and Today have been nuts at work. I think it might be that childhood need to volunteer for everything all the time. I am training people now and I am overloaded with assignments so I decided to temporarily resign from my committees. I know this may reflect poorly on me but at this point I have to think about what I have energy for and the quality I want to put out there. I want to make sure that I still give everything I do high priority so I can't have things distracting me plus I was noticing myself canceling out on committee committments which just made me look flaky. Anyway I will miss those extra things but I only put them on hold not quit.
Despite all the work I am still happy with what I am doing and I am enjoying my work. I am loving the people I work with and that always makes it sweeter.

Happy Birthday Mister Bear!

To celebrate Stan and John's birthday we all met at Nichi Bai Chai (totally not how you spell that) for dinner. Everyone say cheese! Stan's momma brought a cake and we all sang "Happy Birthday"

"Good Pipes"
This is our nephew, William, with his Grandpa John. Hugs William!
Grandma Betty and Baby William check out the koi pond in the resterant. William really liked watching the fish swimming around and I think the fish liked watching William watching them.

Under Pressure

God I love that song. Anyway today I am having full blown stress like I have never had before. I know it is mainly my reaction to the things that are going on around me that is shaping the stress but still I am in good need of a brownie about now. I got myself all cooked up on my ride to work about everything that we still need to do to get ready for the baby. Then when I get here I happen to overhear my Task Leader gossiping about people in the office in an incredibly unprofessional way and it got me fuming mad. So then it occurs to me that I haven't see my shipping e mail from the wallpaper place. I called to see what was going on and surprise the item is on back order--I recieved no notification about this at all. I canceled the order and actually went with the least expensive place (for the same product) and they are full in stock and will ship it within the hour. Now that was service and she said the wallpaper will be here by Monday or Tuesday at the latest. I am just anxious to get everything on the way. I keep feeling so behind. Well at least I e mailed my supervisor to meet about maternity leave and I have a nice halfday today on account of a nice hotel visit.

Just Like Leatha

Last night we sad goodbye to Stella and to be honest I am so happy she is gone. I was impressed she made it that far. Her style really didn't seem to match what Project Runway was looking for. I did have hopes for her early on to start a neat sophistaticated biker revolution. It would be cool to see the "Harley" style revolutionized but I guess Stella was not the one--or at least not the one to do it on TV. Perhaps her and Ratbones line will prove to be even more inspired since her PR5 experience.
To be honest the challenge that off'd Stella really wasn't befitting to her asthetic. I mean glamour girl, 1940(s), spy not really something that lends itself to the modern biker chic style. Although I was shocked that Miss Pin-Up herself, Kenley, didn't create something uber fabulous for this challenge. Her dress was nice but c'mon could you have a ball more in your court? I have to admit though I loved the piece that won. It was so old Hollywood glamour, and I love old Hollywood glamour!! The dress had such a nice fit and came with a great surprise in the back. I am very impressed with Lee-Ann's style so far once she got that editing eye she was all set. I am still unsure as to who I would bet on with the final three but I am def. going to stay tuned!!!


* Just as a little happy moment for me. I was so glad to see Chris March dressed as a Drag Queen a couple of episodes back. He has such a cute laugh and you can just tell he is lovin life and who he is. Way to go Chris March!

My Bambbles

So our living room is a total disaster again, and on top of that there is crap everywhere. Stan and I are in the middle of the nursery transistion. We bought baby hangers the other day so I hung all of his new clothes up in the closet (I know I am just going to have to take them down and wash them in a nice gentle detergent but I felt so accomplished). Stan and I are looking at what space we have (or lack thereof) and trying to figure out just how we are going to store everything we need to store. I am going to go through all of our blankets tonight and make a stack of the ones that we can give away. Since winter is just around the corner I think it should be the perfect thing to scale back on. I am planning on Goodwill but Angie let me know if Reed and Anita may want to take them back to the res. or something. I have a plan on how to get everything organized but unfortunatly my plan revolves heavily on Stan doing most of the work. We are working on our house but all of the stages of chaos have made me go a little crazy and on top of everything my brain goes into a "nesting" mode and I just go nuts over everything being everywhere. I know it is all a process and that we have such a limited amount of time since all of our weekends are always booked and by the time we get home from work it is too late to really get into anything. I am going to rely on the fact that it will get done and keep reminding myself that Saturday and whatever I have left of Friday will be my days to get a lot of things in order. Its just frustrating and tiring and there is a huge part of me that just wants to take the day buy the organizer and get started. Given that nothing I ever put together stays together I am going to opt not to do that...whew laziness saves me again (well until I get home and have to see our chaos.)
My Grandfather is going to be staying at our house on Sunday which is def. fueling my need to get everything done now. I am excited to see him though since I haven't seen him since Father's Day and I won't get to see him for a while (he is flying on really early Monday morning to Colorado to stay for like a month).

Ocean City 2008-The William

Last weekend Stan and I decided to surprise everyone by joining them in Ocean City for Sunday. We were glad because we got the chance to spend a lot of time with Betty & John, Millie Aida and Aimee, and John, Maggie, & the William! We got to see William like a big boy this trip riding rides, and going out on the beach...although I am not too sure he digs the water just yet. Here are some of the pictures we took of William spending the day with his Mommy & Daddy, Grandma & Grandpa, Aunt Grace & Uncle Stan, Aunt Millie, Aida, and Aimee!

Ocean City 2008- The Sequel

Stan and I had a great time in Ocean City! This year we went down on Wednesday night and stayed through Saturday. With all that time I was able to see all new things in Ocean City! This year we went the same week as Stan's Mom and Dad, Millie, Aida, and Aimee so we got to have a lot of family fun!

We all met and decided to begin our family vacation with some indoor mini golf. Everyone is getting their practice shots in before the big game.

I am voting Millie as the MVP for this golf game. On the 4th hole she hit the ball bounced it off the side of the mountain and it went straight in the hole for a beatiful hole in 1! Then Millie brought back her 'A' game on the 16th hole, where there was a tricky sea diver moving up and down to block the ball. Well he was no match for her and not only did she get past him in one stroke but got it right into the hole for another perfect hole in 1!

After we all ate lunch at the Atlantic Stand (man, did I crave those cheese dogs--could this be a baby's favorite?) we split up for a little bit. Stan, Aimee, and I went to play games at Marty's Playland and ride some rides while everyone else went on a shopping spree at the Route 50 Outlets.

Stan took Aimee on the rollercoaster (her first upside down rollercoster) and she had so much fun they did it again! Here is when they pull them up the first hill in the very beginning.

I guess Aimee liked going upside down because they ran over to the Zipper ride and spun around and around. Poor Stan was white as a ghost when he got off the ride so we went in for something a little more mild. Here is Stan and Aimee on the bumper cars.

SLAM!


Do I see a plot forming, Stan?

Aimee gets her revenge!Here is Stan trying to avoid getting hit...man he drives fast

On Friday Stan and I ate breakfast at Laytons and tried some of their fresh made doughnuts. We learned a little history and I was inspired to create another pirate tale for Audre (I know she can hardly wait!) Then we were off to Rehoboth for the day. Stan and I walked around the boardwalk and played games until everybody got there. We all met at Nicola pizza so I could give the baby his first taste of the red devil. Betty got us a really cute picture Bishon Frise picture frame that looks just like our little baby Sugar, who we were missing the whole time. We all had a great time eating and we decided next we were going to the outlets to do a little shopping. I was grateful I could go to the Maternity store and get some warm weather tops and nice comfortable bras. That night we ate dinner at Windows by the Bay. A resterant with a great view of the inlet. It was beautiful watching the sunset while we waited for our meal. For dessert we headed over to Dairy Queen where I created my very own Nor-easter Sundae (well that is what I have decided to call it). I had an oreo flurry with peanut butter topping and Reeses peanut butter cups. It was good..messy but good! Then we finished our night with a girls and Stan night at the Sandbar for some Karaoke. Aida sang "You Light Up My LIfe" and everyone in the bar thought she had such a great voice. Then brave Stan and I sang "Super Trooper" not only proving that Stan is secure in his masculinity but that it is so much more fun singing with him then by myself. I don't think I have ever felt so confident on the stage before. We were just singing and having fun..Feelin like a #1! (Ha!)

Here is Aida wowing everyone with her amazing talent!

To finish our vacation recap I thought I would put in some beautful OC views!

And since word on the street is Boardwalk One is about to undergo some big renovations I decided to take a picture of the room for posterity.

Changes, Updates, & Plans

Ok I log onto my blog and everything looks all weird and different...I guess it pays to read those messages they leave. Anyway it looks great and I am happy. We can even choose to not show blogs if we want which will be nice when I want to create a little private weight loss thing.
So tonight I am having a special daddy and Gracie night. I am taking him out to dinner and he is taking me to go see the new Mummy movie. I am excited about getting to hang out with him tonight!!
Then this weekend we are off to Ocean City. I am really looking forward to a nice vacation for a while. I am so excited to go to Nicola pizza and let the baby get his first taste of a Nic-a-boli and Red Devil Pizza!! I won't be able to get in the water or lay out on the beach very much but there is a lot I can do on the Boardwalk. One of my main things is I am going to have to try to remember to take breaks where there is air conditioning and stuff. I am glad John and Maggie will be there with Stan this weekend in case I won't be up for everything (like going out on the water or whatever). I need exercise though so I am hoping that I can get some nice walks in there and get my muscles going.

In other news, I have been thinking a lot about signing up for a prenatal yoga class. My back has just been hurting so much and I have been so uncomfortable for the most part. I know it is due not only to the pregnancy weight but what I was carrying before. I just am thinking about how I am really committed to losing all the weight after I give birth (well you know whatever is possible) and I think I need to start a fitness plan now to get those birthin muscles in order! I am just waiting until Wedneday when I meet with the Perionataologist again to make sure that the physical activity will be ok. (I am sure it will be but I just don't want to go on that assumption and then have complications down the line.)

Space Age Technology

I love the internet no where else can you post all of your random thoughts with horrible spelling and no regards for grammar!! Anyway, I have just opened a brand new e-mail account and I am so proud, I spent my entire day creating an avatar, sending e mails, and customizing my options. I even added the e mail into my cell phone--so I am welcoming myself into the 21st century. All the girls here have yahoo and they always chat over the messenger so I felt compelled to be a lemming and get it myself. I have to wait 24 hours before I can chat though. I think this will be a nice way to stay in touch with everybody. I had another e mail but it never worked correctly. I was always halfway through a important chatty e mail and then BAM all gone with no saved draft. It was horrible, then when I would go to check my e mails it would randomly sign me out so I couldn't delete anything and yeah it was that bad. This is much MUCH better. I just want to be able to send my e mails, check my e mails, and create crazy avatars.
I am looking forward to next week when I will be on vacation!!! I am going to Ocean City on Saturday and coming back Sunday working Monday, tuesday, and part of Wednesday then going to my doctor's appointment and driving back up to the beach to finish out my week! It will be so nice. I think Stan is planning on staying the whole week there but I have to come back for my doctor's appointment and I thought maybe scheduling a little break for myself in between would help me preserve my energy a little so I can do more while I am there. Well it is almost time for me to go which means its time for me to go!

Digging for Bones

Today I have devoted my free time to researching Ancient Greece. I have been looking up everything from Greek history to the myths. I just realized I wanted to be stronger in this area of history so I figured no time like the present to get into that. I actually really miss studying history. It is so much fun to know how people lived and the reasons for what they did etc. I like that a lot more than what is going on right now (stupid election and the neither candidate is good enough to take over thing). I have been thinking a lot about starting to study history more on my own again mainly because I have this feeling like he is going to be a little adventurer--maybe an archeologist or something. I know it is most likely just something I am dreaming for myself but I am placing it on the baby but I don't know. I close my eyes and I see him digging in the dirt for ancient artifacts in some foreign country with thousands of years of mysterys to uncover.

Am I Standing Still

I have a feeling today will be another slow day which is good in some ways (no stress, get some rest) but bad in others (the day is incredibly loooong). I am just hoping it goes faster than yesterday because it was just too slow for my sanity. I keep having to remind myself that I should be thankful for this time since right around the corner is a whole lot of work. A lot of people are on vacation this week so the office is really quiet.

Yesterday I read an article from Baby Center called "Are You Drinking Enough Water" and they had a registered dietician who said that it is good to drink eight 8-oz glasses of water a day. It is good for a normal person to drink eight 8-oz glasses of water a day and a pregnant person should have 64-80 oz of water a day to ward away any possibilty of bacteria in the system and to ensure that no one suffers from dehydration. (I am aware that eight 8-oz glasses of water would be 64 ozs. but my issue is with the dietician giving the lowest number possible to mothers.) What was so funny about this article to me was by 12 p.m. everyday I consume five 16-oz bottles of water (which is equivelent to 80 oz of water). By the middle of my day my water intake has reached what is recommended for the whole day!! I usually have two more 16 oz bottles when I get home. That is just crrraaaazy.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant I did the "Angie Method of Water Drinking" which is always have a bottle of water in front of you. Because it is there you will drink it. I have to say this is very true. I can't resist the temptation of any food or beverage product just sitting next to me all unattended--Have fun with that one Dr. Freud!

Yesterday we didn't go to look for paints or anything, we just stayed home and ate dinner. Actually it was a nice night at the house. I have been working little by little to get things put together and I think things are really coming along.

One thing we have tried to do recently is anticipate what life will be like with the baby and then form plans so that our lives don't change SO drastically when the baby is born. At this point I think we both have the mentality of a young honeymoon couple so we are trying to switch our thinking on everything from the housework to our financial plans. In a way it is really nice because we are working together as a team to come up with ideas and we don't have all this outside interruption so we have had a lot of time to just focus on what we need together and what we anticipate we will need when the baby arrives. I like that because it completely opens up our communication and puts us on the same page about what we each want and expect when the baby is born. I think the switch has also made us make sure we treasure this time that we have together.

Just An Old Fashioned Love Song

Weekend Re-cap:
Saturday:
Stan and I met my mom, dad, Grandma Peggy, Uncle Steve, Aunt Carol, Sammy, and Katie for a "bon Voyage" luncheon for Sam who is going back overseas until December. It was really nice to get to see him again and to have everyone get together at Clyde's and just have a really great lunch. Sam is doing really well and he seemed to be happy to have a small vacation. It's cool he is coming back just a few days before the baby is due!
Then Stan and I met Stan's family at the White Flint Mall where Betty, Maggie, and I got awesome pedicures!! We were celebrating Stan's Momma's Birthday. Then after the pedicure we rested for a little while and did gifts at the house. And then we went to La Ferme (I think that is how to spell it) for an amazing dinner. Oh the chicken was so good and stuffed with spinich. Usually I am not a gravy person but man that gravy had the best flavor. It was a very nice evening.

Sunday: Stan and I went grocery shopping in the morning then I spent the day picking up the house and making dinner. Yes I said I MADE dinner!! Other than that it was pretty low key which was exactly what we needed.


So far today seems like another pretty laid back day here at NIDA. I like that things have been so inactive recently so I don't have to feels so overwhelmed with work on top of everything else. Plus I can rest here a little too. I brought cheese and spaghetti with me today so I am all set on that side and I have lots of water so I am doing good. I am all proud because last night I made a meat sauce from scratch (well kinda I mean I didn't like extract stuff from tomatos etc). My mom has this recipe she used to make so I took that and put my own little spin on it (ok a butt load of garlic and cayenne pepper). poor Stan, my spaghetti gave him really bad heartburn (darn tomato based products and your acidity) so he was up most of the night. It was so good that I had to bring it with me as left overs. I am all proud because I know it saves money to eat leftovers so go me!

Yesterday I went to the grocery store and picked up food for dinners this week. I am trying to get us to stay in a little more because I think we are both really tired of going out to eat and if you really don't want to eat that food then why pay that much to do so. I am also working on getting the house all picked up in case I have to go on bedrest. I figure laying around when the house is clean will be a lot more relaxing then laying around and knowing I can't get up to do anything about all the stuff on the floor. Plus I figure if I do things in small spurts things still get done and it still looks really nice but I am not overexerting myself (if there is such a thing with me) to do them. Today I am going to continue to do the laundry and clean up the bathrooms. Laudry is always an easy task since at this point I am not putting any of it away at this point. I figure on Wednesday or Thursday (since Wednesday is Pants day--holy and sacred) I will sit down and just go to town getting everything folded and put into piles so Stan and I can put everything away.

OnTuesday I am going to try to get the nursery all set so Stan and I can get an idea of what we want to do in there. I was thinking about doing those white board slats halfway up the wall and coloring the rest of the wall a light blue. I just think that might be a little too costly so I may have to re-think my latest design idea but I am not sure since I have no idea how much those things would even really cost. Maybe we will make a special trip out to a hardware store today and look at colors since we have yet to do that. (*hint** hint* Mr. Bear) I think working on the nursery will make me feel better. I have been so upset for the past few days and I think focusing on the good will be a great cure for these recent blues. Plus we can play interior designer which as you all know I am going to LOVE. Stan and I always watch those TV shows on TLC where they are re-doing a house and we get all these cool ideas about things we can do with our rooms. I am just really excited to get into it and see everything starting to come together. I think that physical presence will not only serve as reassurance but will let me know that things are moving along with the house (I guess its just a double reassurance).

Other than that we are just looking to our appointment on August 6th to be able to decide where we Stan and what reindeer games are off limits.

Drowning

I can't even begin to describe my feelings right now, I have been bowled over, pushed around, and am an emotional mess. On top of all the feelings of possibly having to deal with a serious medical situation I have untrained advice flying at me from the four corners of the universe, and people speaking as authorties on issues they have no true knowledge of. So I am laying down the line here and now, I have done extensive research on this myself, I have tried to remain calm in order that I may handle any situation I may have to face with the utmost courage and civility, and I have tried/ currently am trying everything within my power to prevent any issues down the line. To doubt that would not only be an extreme error on your behalf but would also prove how little you know about a person and their love for their child.

I understand that men may not be able to feel that connection with their child during the gestational period due to the obvious seperation but the story is incredibly different for a woman. First, it is essential to understand that as a mother there is not only a physical connection to your child but an inseperable bond that forms almost instantly. The baby is residing within your body and that feeling is not only overpowering but incredibly intimidating. Every decision you make has an effect on your new resident from drinking sodas and eating chocolate to how you chose to live before the baby even came around. Parents can only do the best they can by making the decisions they feel are best for their child and a true parent would never endanger their child by ignoring medical advice. I would like everyone to rest assured that I am drinking plenty of water and I have been for quite sometime.

In addition, I am writing this so that everyone can understand that I am not only extremely offended by the accusations I have just recently had to face but that I have absolutly nothing to hide. I have always lived my life publicly and I tell people anything they want to know. I have tried to be honest and clear on who I am and on my actions (now and of the past).

I understand everyone's concern and I am extremely grateful for the love that I recieve from our family, our amazing friends, and all the people who I work with. My office mate has been bringing me gallon jugs of water to drink in addition to all the bottled water I have been carrying. She has listened and supported and I am eternally grateful for her and her family who have been so caring for me. Also each and every one of my friends has stood behind me, called me to make sure I was ok, and been there to assure me that I have people behind me during all of this. These are supportive actions not ones that only further the emotional insecurities I am already feeling. These actions are not only helpful for right now but will forever be in my mind what gave me strength.

I know I have the appearence of being very happy go lucky all the time and that in general I am an extremely laidback person but please do not forget my craft. I am extremely strong and I am really good at pushing back feelings in order to support others. Trust me that I am very worried but I am not going to overreact to the situation.

Currently, all we know is the fluid level was still low, lower than last time, the baby has been growing at the correct rate, and that next week we have an appointment with a specialist. There is no need to worry now because the baby is not in jepardy at this point and we are doing everything we can in partnership with our capable doctors to ensure that the baby will not incur problems down the line. I understand the situation is very serious and there are negative outcomes but we may not even have to face those outcomes. We have to look at things from both sides and consider the possibilty that everything will be ok. I refuse to allow my mind to dwell any further into those negativities until I am sure that is what I am facing. I have gained a background knowledge as I am sure you have but we do not have the skills to put that knowledge into practice--all we know are the facts in general. One thing I have learned from my many years learning homeopathy from Angie's mom is we all may be connected spiritually but are bodies are not all susinct. Each body has a new mystery as to why it is reacting in this way and generalizations are not case specific facts. It is incredibly important to remember this in the time of self diagnosis (thanks to internet doctors etc).

I would like to reiterate that I am doing everything that is currently within my power to ensure that this baby will be healthy. I am drinking the fluids neccessary and that I am resting as much as my possible. I appreciate your love and care but wanted you to know that a personal attack does not properly convey that support but instead gives me another obstical to face. I understand that your heart is in the right place but I need you to understand that what I need from you right now is simply the kind of support I described earlier.

ABBA-tastic

I am so excited Audre and I are going to see Mama Mia tomorrow, and then next week we are going to see the Pants movie. I love going to see movies with Audre we always have such a blast whether we are dressing up like pre-teens or rest after pigging out on some serious tex-mex it is always fun!! I do have to say I am sad that Beth is not here to join in the Mama Mia experience since whenever I hear ABBA I think of her and I singing it. Well actually I would sing the verse and then Beth would sing "Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance chance" over and over again through the whole thing. It was great, she is the only person I know with the patience to keep singing that over and over again. Too bad we never filmed us doing any ABBA routines.
So in the car I was listening to Tommy James over and over on my ipod and everytime they would play the Say Say song I would start to think about Sarah and I missed her. She was so cute dancing around to that so I am thinking about making a copy of the whole cd and then maybe putting together a cd for her and sending it out there--maybe it's time to put a little ABBA on there and introduce the girls to the wonders of disco. I can get them into the music and then next time they are out I will teach them the Hustle!

Another Fine Day

Tomorrow is the next attempt at getting a good look at the baby and we have invited our mommies to join us so Stan and I are really excited. Today has gone by really fast which was so fantastic because not only has it been fun but fairly busy.
I am trying to overload on water since I was not too good about my in take over the weekend.

This past weekend we went to Trevor and Lauren's wedding. It was so crazy watching him get married since I have known him my whole life. It is one of those moments in time where it occurs to you suddenly that you have actually reached adult hood and there is no denying it. There were lots of people there who I knew through Melinda and so it was really weird to see them with their wives partying and everything. I just remembered when we were all high schoolers partying and so it was really weird to flash forward to us being adults. Lauren is such a wonderful person too. She is just so happy and friendly. I love how open she is with people and she loves to have a good time and she just spreads happiness where she goes. I really do wish them the best and I am so happy Trevor found such a great person.

Pampering Mrs. Bear

I am sooo lucky I have such a great husband like Stan. Last night he came home with groceries and then made a very nice romantic dinner for two. Followed up by a nice hair brusings AND back massage. It was soo nice and relaxing. He made a really healthy dinner too. Stan made chicken with a sweet and sour glaze, broccoli, and pollenta. It was such a great meal and a wonderful surprise. I think more and more we are trying to maximize our alone time by just make really special memories. I know that when the baby comes we will both be taken to the ends of the world and just be completely exausted so really sharing special moments together is important.
We are thinking about going to the drive-in where we went on one of our dates next week or the week after (depending on the movies that are showing). I just think it will be nice for us to drive up there in the car and re-live one of our memorable moments. Ahhh young love!

The Trouble with Identity

An issue I have been struggling with my whole life has been my weight. When I was younger I felt like my weight made me less than others and I really let it effect my opinion of myself. I hated how I looked and desperatly tried to overcompensate for it. As I got older I developed more self awareness/ apreciation. It took many many years to get to the point where I really could say that I love the person that I am.
Now that I am pregnant and looking toward a brand new stage in my life I have started thinking about the kind of mother I want to be. Unfortunatly for me I am not one of those overweight women whose energy goes uneffected by the weight so I have to think long and hard about how my body and vices could contribute to the lack of interest in my children. I have seen it before where there have been overweight parents who just can't maintain the energy possible to play with their children and to fight all that pain they feel they just isolate themselves. I don't want to be like that. I want to be the type of parent who will take my children on nature hikes in the mountains or plays baseball with them outside. I want to be the type of parent who has the energy to keep up with a child all day instead of praying they need a nap soon.
The truth is I know my current lifestyle is not healthy from fast food runs to late night pizza sessions I am not only lowering my quality of life but putting myself at risk for a lot of diseases. But how do you change your current lifestyle without changing all those great things about yourself. I don't want to be skinny for the sake of being skinny so I am not giving into the socital idea of beauty so I can be proud there. Although I would never hope for my children to face these food challenges like me so I guess I am hypocritical there.

I think everytime I have tried to lose weight it comes dangerously close to troubling my identity which has already been challenged enough as it is. I have such a hard time making that identity change because there are so many great things about your old identity. I think it gets scarey because you risk losing a lot more than just weight. That sense of self becomes completely rattled and then you are left looking back at the old days. Of course we all need to grow and change but this has always been so hard for me. I get scared that I will lose valuable friends or that wonderful sensation of making it up to the buffet. (Yes I know how sad that sounds).
Food is more than just something you eat it facilitates friendships, it aids in social gatherings, it makes you feel happy when you have had a rough day, or celebrate something great. Lately I have realized that I am truly addicted to food. Well I always knew that but recently I have been relishing in my addiction.
Bottom line is that I know I have to make a change (know when to say "uncle"--ha!) but I am very scared of doing it. I have thought about incorporating an additional element to my weight loss team after the baby is born. I have been thinking about going to counseling about my associations with food and seeing if they can assist me in finding a healthy balance between appreciating good food and going way beyond. I think having that extra person who is unbiased to talk to may really help. I know visting with Paulette I have learned a lot about myself and my motivations but I think I need a person who is trained in psychology to help me really face the identity issues. I am afraid that facing them will be one unresolved middle school pain after another but perhaps that is what I need to get my mind where it needs to be--focused on my family, friends, and quality of life. You never know who the new you will end up being. So as you change and evolve into this new person who is still you but a different you then there is this huge awkwardness created whenever you are faced with remnants of the old you. It's like you can see your past self and how they would react to whatever the situation is and you feel like you are some kind of alien you and that now everyone is looking at you exepecting you to be that person (the old you) but you aren't. You want so badly to be that person for them to make you more comforable and reaffirm who you are to them but you just can't even if you turned back you are still different. There have been so many life changes throughout these past few years that I already feel strange being who I am in front of people who knew me as I was. I just hate that astrangement that I am pretty sure I am creating myself. You just get so scared that with all this changing you won't be left anymore and then one day you will look at yourself and say who am I.
I am not saying all that I am is in my weight but these ideas these thoughts they are what really hold me back and always have. I get scared that I won't be able to recognize who I am.

I know though that without that risk I can't be happy because we can't all be stuck in the identity we chose in high school, college, etc. I also know that friends can come and go throughout life but those amazing life long friends are life long because they understand the changes and are willing to take the ride with you and I definatly have that. (Ha I wanted to insert a little analogy comparing my friends to Jessica Simpsons career and how even though she is trying new things she won't lose those die hard fans-- I just want you all to know you are like Jessica Simpson to me--laughing yet?)

I don't care about being skinny I just need to be free from the hold that the food has on me. I need to push myself to go to the gym. I need to enjoy activities that involve energy instead of being afraid of them. I am always so frightened of doing activities with lots of walking or anything like that because deep inside I know I can't handle it without taking breaths.
The hard part of trying to lose weight (not now of course since I am pregnant but after the baby is born) is the fact that diets/ life changes whatever you want to call them always make me feel bad about myself. It's like torture to say no when you really want whatever it is and then on top of that you know that you aren't letting yourself have whatever it is because you have acknowledged within yourself that there is a problem--with you. I hate that I don't want to say that I have a problem that needs a solution I just want to have energy to do things. I guess the lack of energy is a problem and therefore I have a problem. I have to take a risk- I said it before and I'll say it again-and maybe taking this risk will be easier because whether I like it or not my identity is changing. Once the baby is born I will be a mother and no matter what it is my responsibility to give the baby whatever it needs now and for the rest of it's life. If that is a complete identity overhaul then I don't know what so maybe the time is just right for a change.
We'll have to see in later posts I guess.

Check & Mate

I am ready for the weekend. It's been really hard to get up this week for whatever reason. I am feeling like I need to catch up on some more sleep. This weekend we are going to Trevor and Lauren's wedding and then the next day we are going to celebrate my dad's birthday at Cozy so we have a lot of driving and running around to do. Tomorrow we are scheduled to have a game night with Pat and Melissa although I am not sure if Stan finalized the details (meaning where we are all planning to have it and stuff). I think I may try to schedule a little time to get started on the nursery decorations. That way we will have most of everything together for whenever we do get some free time to put it up.

This will also give us an idea of where we want everything to be. I have somewhat of an idea of where I want all the furniture but I am worried that I might have estimated the space wrong (since spatial orientation I have not).

Sensing Ramblers

I have been working really hard on getting our house together and I think I made a major stride yesterday. My goal for today is to put all the clean laundry away and wash the blankets that are in the baby's room. We are trying to get that room all cleaned out so we can start putting everything "baby" in there. It is going to be really weird when it looks less like an extra junk room and more like a nursery. Another assignment I have given myself for this week is to move all the holiday decorations from the downstairs into upstairs storage. After that things should be looking good. I have some little things for Stan to get done but for the most part we are on the way to finishing everything. It is so bad we got the floors done in like May and we still haven't fully recovered. We are working really hard on trying to get everything put away in a place that is right for it. I am going to move my cookbooks into one of the upper cabinents in the kitchen and I am eventually going to reorganize where the dishes and everything are in the kitchen as well.

Then onto the baby's room. I think once we find out the gender we will make more progress on how it is going to look. I am hoping for the next free weekend that we have to get all the painting for the nursery and the guest bathrooms finished. I am looking to get most of the decorating done by September. I don't want to wait too long because I am due so close to Christmas and the last thing I want is to have a million things on my list of "to dos" for both baby and Christmas. I know this sounds crazy and possibly a little impossible but I really wanted to host another Christmas Eve like last year. It was so neat having all these people at the house for Christmas. And although getting everything together was a little stressful it was still a total blast. I just love the holidays I like the feeling that everyone has and how people come together. You gotta love all the different dynamics that are created within a family as well because everyone has their own strong personality and they aren't afraid to let it show since it is all family so you just are totally open and crazy. I like that people who aren't afraid to just be themselves. I know if the baby is born before Christmas Eve this dinner will be almost impossible but I think with Stan's help we can pull it off unless of course the baby is born on like the 23rd or the 22nd and in which case I will be in the hospital still and last I checked they won't let you out to make a turkey.

I am so excited about everything that has been going on recently from interviewing daycares to thinking about what stuff we will need for the baby it is just such an exciting time. I have to admit it is really nerve wracking as well. Like when I realize I am going to be a mommy in December and I think about the daily mommy stuff it is just really crazy. I think that is why I have been in such a cleaning mood recently, I start thinking about what it is going to be like in such a short amount of time and then I feel so unprepared (I am sure the whole hormone cocktail doesn't hurt either). I totally understand the concept of nesting now. You just feel so out of control and you look for like the smallest thing to get you feeling like things are ok and you have everything under control. What's really funny is how that tries to fight against the fact that I am really lazy and on top of that I am indecisive so I spend half my time running around like a chicken with my head cut off and the other half telling myself to take it easy and relax. Ahhh the complexities of me! I just look around and notice all the things that are left to be done and I think about what a danger zone our place would be right now for a kid. Of course it takes a while for the logical side to step in and say "Grace you don't have any kids so all this chaos and danger is really of no consequence right now". (Usually by the time I reach that thought I have cleaned up a whole bunch of things and completely tired myself out.) I will find the balance between clean and comfortable soon though and it should last about a week so I can see some rest in my future.

A Dark Knight

Last night, Stan and I went with John to go see the new Batman movie. I was not really that impressed with the movie but I do have to agree with what people have been saying Heath Ledger was genious in the movie! I just love watching actors when they are completely engrossed by a role. He created mannerisms for the Joker and stuck with them throughout not to mention the fact that he completely got rid of his own mannerisms to fully create the character. Actually his performance was so great that it made Christian Bale look horrible. The whole time I found myself getting really annoyed whenever Batman had screentime and longer to see the Joker again. I thought the plot was kinda weak and of course I really thought they made their big twist a little too obvious. The second I saw one small clue I was able to turn to Stan and say exactly what was going to happen. Although maybe I was just nerdier than everyone in the audience because they didn't seem to catch on until the action was actually happening. Is this vague enough for y'all who haven't seen the movie yet? I am trying to be nice and not really give anything away in case there is anyone reading this who hasn't been to see it yet.
My next movie to conquer is going to be Mamma Mia. I am so excited because I think that it is going to be lame but it is chock full of ABBA music! Yeah ABBA!!!!!! I am thinking since I need to avoid the sun a lot right now that the movies maybe the best thing for me this year. Plus once I have the baby I think that my movie times will be limited so I should get it all in now before it's too late.
This weekend we are going to be super busy. Trevor and Lauren are getting married on July 26th which I am really excited about. I think weddings are so cool and still gives me those feelings of when Stan and I got married. Even just watching people get married makes you remember everything that was going through your head before it all began. It's so crazy all those butterflys you get in your belly and then the day comes and you are on complete auto pilot for the whole day. What I loved was waking up the next morning and calling myself Mrs. Murgolo or saying that Stan was my husband and I am his wife etc. It was great on the honeymoon too since we put everything in my name so I could hear Grace Murgolo everywhere I went. It's a good way to get you used to your new name. You know what else is great about weddings is that everything is so new and exciting I love that!!!
Then on the 27th we are going out to dinner with my mom and dad to celebrate my dad's birthday. All in all it is going to be a huge weekend.
Luckfully this week is going to be really relaxing I just have some loose ends to tie up here at work and then I am coasting for the rest of the week. I have had some really busy weeks recently where the work was just piling up so I am happy I was able to get through it and still be sane. Now I know I need to enjoy these next few days because more work will be just around the corner. Although I think the next round is supposed to be relatively light so maybe it will be easier for me just around the bend.

Time Delay

Today is a very easy going day which in some ways is good but in others it means that I should face all that filing I have been putting off and get everything together for the next round. Of course as to whether I will choose to use the time in this manner has yet to be seen. I have been looking forward to a good "lull" in the action now for a while so I could just get some well needed rest and this might be just the answer to my prayers.
I am also trying to catch up a little on my baby research. I know I really need to sign up for my birthing classes to ensure that I get the right one and Stan and I should also get together about our Daycare questions and figure out whether it is even feasible. All these things to think about meanwhile I am on my 4th bottle of water trying to fill the sac and I know very well that I went to the bathroom not 15 minutes ago but I am already feeling the urge to go. I am really hoping all this increase in water helps out. It's so quiet in here today and I have another one of my sinus headaches so I am looking forward to being able to just chill out and not have any disturbances.
Tonight I have my visit with Paulette so I will have to see what she recommends (other than the obvious keeping drinking water). I have to say that I am pretty much betting that this whole low water thing is about it being summer and I just have to overcompensate for the heat. I just want to be sure that we get everything back to where it needs to be so we can get some nice images. Also I am going to have to convince the little one in there to show me the goods so we can finish up that registry. We basically have 8 more days until the next big sonogram--oh well more pictures for the Maybe Baby site. Also I want a nice profile picture for the mantle. I am ready to be the proud mama with my baby pictures all around.
So as you can see I am doing a great job of delaying the inevitable so it's time to go and get it done!

Daycare Dilemmas

Yesterday after our disppointing sonogram Stan and I explored the world of local daycares. I knew that having a baby would be expensive with the diapers, wipes, toys, etc. but never did I realize that paying for daycare would be like paying for a second mortgage. Everywhere was well over a thousand dollars a month! We looked into several daycares in the area of our home and then when we got back to the car each time we would discuss the pros and cons of each and at the very end we ranked them. Our favorite was by far the Goddard School. We both were so impressed with the quality of staff, the excellent facility, and their outside areas. We loved seeing all the cute kids too. They all seemed so happy hanging out with their friends and flashing these big smiles. At Goddard they have programs where they try to get children to appreciate art and music etc. While we were there two kid were listening to a music tape and then one of the kids says to the other "listen to this part, it's really rockin'" Stan and I nearly died laughing it was so cute! I said to Stan later that was a boy after his own heart. We still have one facility left to visit and then we are going to have to make a really tough decision.

I am very certain that I would feel really comfortable with my kid at Goddard but the problem arises how will we be able to afford that kind of cost? I was talking to one of the doctors at my work about it since she has been giving me really great daycare advice and she said that was exactly what she went through.
The hard part in everything is weighing out whether we are making more money with me employed or if we would actually be saving money if I stayed home. What further complicates things is that I may not be making the big bucks now but the promotions in the government are yearly so I have the potential to make much more in the future. In addition you can't beat the government benefits. Not only do we have top of the line health insurance but we also have an amazing retirement plan. Not to mention the sick leave and annual leave--all the holidays off! Then here's the icing on the cake, as it stands now I am incredibly happy with my job. I love the people I work with and have made some awesome friends there. I have impressed people and have recieved a lot of accolades. I feel that I found a work environment that I not only want to succeed in but enjoy the work that I am doing. I always remember that the research we are listening to and eventually funding improves the quality of life for millions of people. Our particular research helps those people with addictive behaviors to improve their lives and potentially be able to beat the habit that controls them. I love how mentally stimulating the job is. I go to work and I get the unique opportunity to learn about the cutting edge theories on addictive behaviors as the scientists explore why people are attracted to the substances or whatever it is they are addicted to. It is a small job in the grander scheme of things but it facilitates these discoveries to happen. So now I have to weigh all of this against the fact that staying at home with the baby would award me the opportunity to share in the early parts of my child's life.