Who I Am is Who I Want to Be

This is another fine day, the weather has been amazing these past few days and has made me jump right into happy Spring mode. I love this time of the year because there are all these beautiful flowers coming up and I can once again lift my sun roof, open all the windows, blast my muic, and feel the breeze.
Yesterday I reached a fitness goal which was very exciting, I ran a whole mile! I didn't walk I ran and although I thought that my heartrate got a little high I think I did a fantastic job. After the mile I walked a little and then started running again to pull in another .8 miles of running. I have to say that I used an Elliptical trainer but I am still proud of how fast I went and how short of a time it took me to do the mile. I have been doing such a great job working out and I have to say it has been really fun going there. Plus I can't say enough about those neat endorphins. I feel like Ms. Happy or something walking around with this huge smile.

Since I was so awesome yesterday, I decided to treat myself to the Lifetime Spa. I got my hair dyed and trimmed. I just let the lady choose more or less how it was going to look and went from there. It turned out well and really brings out my eyes. I feel like I should have done this a couple of weeks ago though so I could have fully embraced the St. Patrick's Day spirit (the red hair & green eyes... yeah I look a little Irish). It took a long time to do my hair and it pushed me really late getting home so since I didn't get back until like 9:30 Stan & I (how bad is this) decided to eat out a resterant. It was my idea actually, it was just so late that going out made more sense then staying in and waiting for something to cook.

Today though I am planning to make the sweet potato fries and lime BBQ chicken I was thinking about yesterday. I was thinking about trying to make some Broocoli too. I am still planning on going to the gym after work today I am just going to make sure I am home really early.

So I did decide to start a blog for Sugar. I thought that it would be a great way for my Grandma to keep up with her and to see how she is changing or what is going on in her life. Plus those things are always fun to look back on. I am going to have to do more work to it though since all I had here was the pictures from this blog and I didn't have anytime last night to put everything together. I will post her birthday photos etc.

Still no news on the baby side of things, I am just playing it calm right now. I still have that part of me that is completely obsessed and has to know whether I am or not but the more knowledgeable part of me is saying how much better it is to wait. One thing I realize is you can always test too early and then you have wasted your money and not really even ended the guessing game. I know it is better to wait and see what happens over the next 6 days or so. I haven' t really felt anything which is fine because women usually will not have any symptoms until around 2 weeks after conception. Even still most early pregnancy symptoms are so similar to pre-menstral symptoms that it is hard to tell which you are about to experience. So like I said I am trying very hard to play it cool.

This past year and 3 months has been hard and I have gone through a lot. Of course I acknowledge that I have learned a lot in the process and that creating life takes time, but everynow and then I think about all of that stuff and I still get sad that nothing has happened yet. Its nice to be able to argue both sides with myself so I don't drag myself completely down but staying strong is difficult especially when you feel like you have to do it on your own. I feel when I talk to people about it things get shoved aside or I am told just not to think about it. Sure things are easier without a baby but I think I spend a good 70% of my time thinking about when it's going to happen, what the nursery will look like, what Stan & I will be like as parents, etc.

I just have to remember that through it all I have to be positive and look at all the wonderful things that have happened to me over the past year, I just need to let all of the other stuff fade away.

You know I need to think about how great I am doing at my job. How much I have learned and I should be glad at how fast I have been able to pick things up. People are nice here, and they are always willing to help people out. Things are going great between Stan & I and it looks like we will be getting those wood floors pretty soon. I need to stop being such a negative person!