Ritual Weirdness

Last weekend was my Grandmother's funeral. I had never gone to a funeral before and never had really been to an open casket viewing so I was completely out of my element. It was terrifying seeing my Grandmother like that. She was so empty and didn't even look like herself really. I was so intimidated on Friday when I walked in and saw her laying there in the casket. I couldn't get close it was like everything there was too empty or something. I have to say my dad and Stan were really helpful though. My dad just kept making me laugh and kept me talking whiel Stan rubbed my back and smiled. I think my mom really wanted me to go up and say goodbye to my Grandmother but I just couldn't say goodbye to someone who wasn't really there. I felt like I did say goodbye when I saw her last and she was alive. In terms of kissing or touching her--that was out of the question I had no desire to do that. The minister did a prayer with all of us which was so sweet. After the afternoon viewing on Friday my parents, Stan, and I went out to Friendly's where my mom and I enjoyed peanut butter Sundays in honor of my Grandmother--another avid peanut butter lover/enthusist! After that Stan and I drove around Altoona and got a great look at the town. My parents went to the evening viewing. I was actually glad we drove around because we got to see the Mishler Theatre and about a thousand hot dog places. It was really weird because there were places I remember seeing when I was younger as I was driving along with my Grandparents. Then we went back to the hotel and watched TV. I was glad to just relax for while since the viewing was so emotional for me.
All night that night I was having horrible dreams of my Grandmother in the casket sleeping next to me. All I could see was her, and I just kept getting up and then trying to think of better things.
Then next morning was the funeral. Stan and I got up and went down for our complimentry breakfast at the hotel and then got ready for the funeral. When we got there the casket was still open so I sat in the back on the side with my dad and Stan. The minister gave a great ceremony which was not only very personal but spiritual as well.