And the Heart of a Fighter

This week is going to be nice and mellow since I have two hotel visits & a training class. I am glad too because I still have a lot of work to do for my Grandma's Anniversary party which is scheduled to be on the 19th of this month.

About my Grandma so on Saturday my Aunt Sheree, my mom, and I all drove out to Altoona to go see how she is coming along. It was weird to see her because she looked so jaundiced and she seems to have lost a lot of weight which for some reason makes her look a little shorter. She was sitting up in a chair which she said that was the first day she had been out of bed since her surgery. We had to wear these protective gowns over our clothing and rubber gloves to keep from spreading any germs/infections. My Grandfather didn't wear them and my mom wasn't going to but I said I wanted to. I think that following those guidelines are a good idea in a place like the ICU where one infection can cost someone their lives (not to mention that I didn't want to risk any infections getting into my body either).

We stayed for 2 hours and chatted with her about the party. I showed her a slideshow of my pictures of Sugar and she told me that she was glad that Sugar ended up in such a loving home. We also talked about her "brush with death" and she told us all that she kept screaming that it hurts and that she wanted to die. She looked directly at us and then said that she was ready to go, told us that she loved us and then said she was proud of all of her girls but that she was the most proud of me. This came as a huge shock since I never had felt that connected to her while I was growing up, but I think that she is proud of what I have achieved and the choices I have made to get to this point.

On the way back my mom and I talked about how things were going for my Grandma and how she was basically saying goodbye to us. I said that many people don't get a chance to say those things to the people that they love and many people don't have the chance to accept their death before it happen but she has been blessed with the ability to do that. Although she has to work through a lot of pain my Grandmother gets the opportunity to see all those people who have loved her and still love her and tell them how she really feels about them. I have been blessed with a whole new understanding of who my Grandmother is and will miss her when she is gone.

My Grandfather spoke with the hospital on Sunday and they have suggested using hospise care. It really made him upset and he kept telling my mom on the phone that he is able to take care of her that he doesn't mind. I think hospise might be a good idea though. That way he can have them come in every now and then and help my Grandmother out with her needs and he will get a little break from all the stress. I have seen what caring for a dying person can do to someone who is perfectly healthy and relatively young so I can only imagine the energy it will take out of my Grandfather. Plus no one can fault him for taking sometime to himself to ensure that he is dealing with her death in a good way and if he takes breaks he will be able to care for her with renewed strength. My Grandfather is such a sweet person and I hate watching what all of this is doing to him. I don't think I ever realized how much he truley does love my Grandma. It makes me happy to think of what they have and it's nice to see her have that kind of a person by her bedside. I just hope he is able to stay strong throughout this whole thing. I know he and my mom have been talking a lot with one another about everything and it seems that she has given him a lot of support through this whole thing.
I realized though how nice my relationship has been with my Pop-Pop and how he is the only Grandfather I have been able to really know (since my paternal grandfather died when I was very young and my biological maternal grandfather has destroyed his brain cells with tons of alcohol.) I need to make sure I put a lot of effort into staying in touch with him.