With Gentle Hands

Today I could not ask for more, I am having a very easy going Friday and I have Sugar's new blog all set for posts. I am really happy about making that and I am all impressed that I was able to figure out how to link my ficker account with the blogger site--no easy task let me tell you. I went through a lot of "help" searches on that one.

Last night my mom called and said that my Grandma wasn't doing too well apparently she crashed during her surgery (she had to get a stent put in) and so she is now in the ICU. I realized yesterday that I don't think I have ever had to deal with death this closely before. I thought about how scared my Grandma must be as she battles the cancer. I mean...who knows. It makes me really regret not getting to know her better, and think about all those years where neither of us wanted anything to do with the other. In the past her & I really didn't get along but as she got to the later points in her life we have spent a lot more time with her. I think I needed her to treat my mom with more respect before I was willing to give her any. I know I am going to miss her when she is gone. Also, it makes me sad thinking of my Grandfather there with her alone and scared.

I want to go there and I want my mom to go too but she doesn't seem to be willing to do it. She just wants to concentrate on the party she is throwing for them. I am thinking that is because my mom can only deal with the things she is able to control. Like the party she can get all of those details ironed out and have everything ready for the big event but at the hospital she can only sit there and offer to get things. Me on the other hand, I deal with things differently, I want to be there for the people more. I want to talk to my Grandfather and my Grandmother. I am less on the "do" and more on the "be" (if that makes any sense at all). I want to help but more importantly I think that we are at the point where we may need to say goodbye (I don't want this to sound like I am giving up I'm not she very well may live but just in case we can be there with her. ) I am a firm believer in being as present as possible when a person needs you. Us being there could just give her a memory or it could be what inspires her to give that extra push.

I think it maybe time that we go out there and visit. This way, speaking in terms of the party, I can get a picture of their house and the church. It just might be the best.

I want so badly to be a doctor. I want to be there at those moments when people's lives really change. I want to see their faces, and make memories with their memories. I just think sometimes people need someone to hold their hands. I have always felt that my biggest quality is how social I am which makes me more sensative to people, and their feelings. I think this would be a great quality for a person within the medical field.