A Brand New Day

This is great, today I am completely recharged and feeling much more appreciative of my personal gifts. On Friday I couldn’t shake that bummed feeling that I hadn’t conceived yet. Now I realize that my not conceiving has opened up a lot of opportunities for me. I also reminded myself that this time that Stan and I have together as newlyweds is time we can never have back and once we have a child everything will change. I am too quick to want to go on to the next step I don’t just stop and think about how great this phase in my life truly is.

I still have to monitor myself in terms of whether I am still on track with ovulation and I still have to try to lose as much weight as I can but I don’t need to stress myself out over the whole thing or feel upset that I haven’t lost a ton of weight. I am working on a life change and of course that requires patience and persistence. The important thing is I have lost a lot of weight to get to this point and that my body has been positively responding. I have been so lucky to be regularly ovulating and to have the opportunity to try on our own. To not have to get the tests month after month and have disappointment after disappointment has been a true blessing. I think it is important to reassure myself that I am on the road to where I hope to be and that the journey often makes reaching the goal feel sweeter.
This weekend I did a lot of soul searching and I think I came out realizing more about myself, my motives, and my relationships with people. I need to learn how to let go of my egocentricity and to enjoy other people’s victories. I can’t keep begrudging them for their good fortunes.

I remember when I went to California last year and we went to Cindy & Dave’s church, the pastor said something that really touched me. He asked everybody to close their eyes and hold out their hands and in those hands imagine all the fortunes that you have that are filling those hands. Those are your blessings and that you need not look into other’s hands because your hands are full of love & blessings to be thankful for. I really enjoyed this exercise and when I feel myself heading toward envy I try to stop and visualize the wonderful things I have in my hands and I feel full and blessed.