Curiouser & Curiouser

Yeah I know now of at least three people who have read this delightfully nerdy blog! I should have a party for those few people who are dangerously curious enough to read my thoughts. Ok enough about others back to me (ha!)

Today I am feeling really great, I ovulated yesterday and today, and I had a super romantic evening with Stan last night. My overall feelings on having a baby have definatly started to change. Before I was obsessed, now I am still excited for what is to come but I am glad for this time that I have alone with Stan and I am appreciative of all the opportunities I have been awarded. Its funny to think that had I gotten pregnant when I wanted to I wouldn't have this job and perhaps we wouldn't have ended up with Baby Sug. It just goes to show you just because your prayers aren't answered right away doesn't mean that there isn't anyone listening. I am just feeling really lucky for all the gifts I have and I am happy for that. Also, its the Spring and I happen to love the Spring!

I think this appreciation for everything I have has been a long time coming and may have been sparked by my Grandma's grim diagnosis. I thought a lot about her last night, I wondered what was she thinking when the doctor told her (on Monday) that her cancer progressing too far and that she was in her final stages. They give her only a couple more months to live. I am scared for her, I can't believe how fast it all came on, in the course of a year she has gone from completely healthy with no problems to couple more months to live. Last night I cried for her I think I started mourning her. Its sad because these past few years she has really changed and become such a positive figure in my life. I realized how much I really do care for her and finally understood how much she cared for me. It's such a shame that now I am having to say goodbye when I feel like we have just met.

I also thought about Beth and the girls and how they have now moved away. I am going to really miss seeing Sarah & Julia grow up. It was always so nice to go over to their house and see the girls who I completely adore. I think it might be how Stan looks at William, you have this person who you have grown up with, gotten in trouble with, made jokes with, and all of a sudden they are a parent and you see all those amazing qualities that you loved about your friend or relative in that tiny little person. It makes you really aware of how life really is a circle. (I know you are thinking of that cheesy Disney song--so am I). I love how Sarah is this mini teenager and she has this super cute attitude. I am so impressed with how social she is. She is so welcoming to all the kids around her and she is always the first to dive head first into whatever activity is ahead. And Julia, who has the cutest voice I have ever heard, is so cool. She is like those people who only need a few words and don't fill the rest with fluff...like John Wayne or James Dean ( I know those are men but its the tude that I am talking about). She is a lot more cautious then Sarah and you can tell she likes for Sarah to really initate things before she just dives in. You can tell she is smart.

I also feel sad that I am going to miss out on this part of Beth's life. That no longer will she be just a drive away. I always have looked at her like someone I was destined to meet- she has always made me feel so great about myself and given me the confidence to succeed in every area of my life and I am just going to miss seeing her whenever I feel like it. Although one thing I have always known about Beth & I is no matter how much our life changes us whenever we hang out we are still those super cool dorky high schoolers again.

Can you tell I am putting off work right now? I have been so busy all this week and last week that I thought I would take it easy today, get a lot done, and then got to the gym for an easy workout. I am trying to keep this week as stress free as possible.