Taking It Easy

I am so tired right now and I am dreading my nutritionist appointment tonight. I have been feeling pretty crappy recently and last night was really bad so I was thinking I am going to just relax at home tonight. I wanted to go to Audre's party tonight but I just don't think I can. I can't help but feel like I am getting the flu.

I have been really bad in terms of my eating the last few days because I have been really busy and as I got sicker I just wanted to eat more (which of course made everything way worse). Oh well it will be time to face the music soon enough. Maybe we just wont do a weigh in today since I am feeing sick and everything. I am excited to tell Paulette that I did ovulate again this month so we are still on track to where we want to be.

Last night I went over to Hollywood video since the one near us is going out of business & selling off all their stock. Of course leave it to me I spent like $100 on DVDs there. It was an impulse buy and I did feel guilty but this is like 1 impulse buy whereas my husband has like daily impulse buys so I am feeling a little less bad about the whole thing. I ended up buying Tencious D Pick of Destiny, Some movie starring Amber Benson, The Three amigos, Shrek 3, Over the Headge, an Xbox game, Interview with a Vampire, Dark Water (that was what we went to see on Stan & I's first date, and some other stuff which was such an impulse buy that I can't even remember what it was.

Nothing Like Feelin' The Burn

For the past few days I have had the worst stomach cramps and it has been driving me nuts! After putting up with it for days without taking any medicine I decided today that I would take a little aspirin. I know that I shouldn't do that because I may be pregnant but I am thinking that I am not pregnant so no worries. I only took one. Ok now I am making myself feel bad.

I called Stan to go out to lunch with me today because I really need to have a break from everything today. I have been so busy, and everything has been crazy around here so I thought it would be nice to just have a "get away" time with my husband.

Yesterday was Sugar's Birthday and we took pictures so watch out for that because I think I am going to try to post them sometime tomorrow.

The Tangled Web

So today is having its occasional drama moments but I am not going to resign it to being a “bad day” instead I am going to try my hardest to look on the bright side. I am truly learning my job at work and feel like I have seen some real progress within myself. For this I am proud. And since I have decided to once again turn over a new leaf there is still hope on the horizon!

Last night after having Chipotle for lunch, Don Pablos for dinner, and then a very gooey Sunday at home I realized that I don’t hold myself to limits. I think I dread saying no to myself so instead I just keep indulging. Don’t get my wrong my all day fiesta was a dream but it still took its toll. So while I lye in bed with a belly ache I came to the conclusion that I have to focus more on improving myself as a whole. Not just focusing on one part of myself like weight loss or fertility but on everything. I think in order to institute a real change I have to enact changes over many areas within my life.

I am looking to discipline myself with my house keeping, with our dog, with our health, etc. I think it will be good to hold myself to a higher standard. It’s always good to expect more from yourself.

Also I have been thinking a lot about what Stan has been saying about going out to eat. Stan always says that you always have a choice as to what you get and I think he’s right. At a restaurant they may give you bigger portions and fattening options but you have a choice in the amount you eat and what you order. I just have to learn how to say no.

Another thing I feel I need to start instituting is creating a goal and sticking to it. So if my goal for today is to steam clean the carpets then I shouldn’t go to sleep unless those carpets have been steam cleaned. I have been thinking each day I will set up and house chore for myself. Just one chore that I have to do before I go to bed, like for instance today my goal is to put away the laundry. Simple as that, nothing really big, but something I still need to complete none-the-less. Then I am planning on having certain chores for everyday like keep the living room & kitchen clean. My goal is always to have the common rooms nice so whenever we have guests come over it isn’t a scramble to make everything presentable.

That Newbie is a Power House

I have been a powerhouse for the last few hours. Its nice when you do a lot of work really fast & well to redeem yourself for being a mess earlier in the day. And when I say I was a mess I mean I am really understating the whole thing.

So I was informed that there is a whole lot of work rolling around the corner so I am going to be really busy doing both contracts & grants! Also once I get some contracts under my belt I am going to start training other people on how to do it. I am nervous about everything but at the same time I know that doing something can prove how well you know it. Plus I have said all along that there is a real difference in knowing theory and knowing the practice of that theory.

Things have been going better at work and I am feeling more and more at home here. The people are fantastic and I feel like they are always willing to show you what needs to be done. I have had many jobs where people don't want to be bothered with training because they don't get paid anymore or it isn't there job description or whatever but here most of the people seem incredibly open and generous. They also seem to like to socialize and get to know the new people too which makes me feel less and less like a newbie.

I can't believe that it is almost time for me to leave, its nuts how fast the time will go by when I am keeping my mind occupied.

This starts that home stretch that I always get so nervous about. Because I have ovulated I knwo I have 2 weeks until my period or lack thereof. This is that time where I go back and forth in my head debating whether I am pregnant or not. I know that if we did concieve on this round I should be due on December 1st or somewhere in there. I would love to have a baby in December so close to Christmas and all. I think my ultimate time to have a baby maybe in January though because then I will be way prego at Christmas and then the next Christmas our kid would be almost one and could enjoy it all more. Ok I know who cares but this is how I keep my mind occupied until the time when I finally do conceieve. Its just that it seems to take so long and I am so excited. I feel like I am waiting for summer vacation. When you are a kid it seems like those last 6 months or so take forever oh my gosh imagine how psycho I am going to be when I have to wait 9 months!!!

I don't know if I wrote about this in here but since no one reads this I think it's ok to be repeated. I started another blog that is going to track the steps up to motherhood but isn't going to be like this where I let my mind have a free for all. I am trying to do things like track my cycle and sort of talk about my feelings as things approach or when I get a negative pregnancy test etc. Mostly it will be a place where I can keep track of things that are hard or whatever. Then I am going to make it into a pregnancy site (when I get the positive sign). I am thinking I am going to take pictures of myself each month, and record all my feelings and whatnot. That way I can keep close track of what my body is doing and how everything is going along the way. Plus I can print the site out and make a book for myself with it. Another thing I want to do when I am pregnant is getting one of those glammer shots or not glammer shots but professional shots of the pregnancy. I love those pictures first of all because there is so much emotion in them. Usually there are some with the father and the mother together then some just with the mom and if there are any other kids them too. I just think it is a nice record of that time where you are building up to the big day. Its sensual yet nerve racking you know and a little tender too.

I always think about things I want to do involving baby stuff. Its sad I know but I think it is what keeps me motivated. Sometimes I get a little upset and I use stuff like that to cheer myself up. I think the hardest thing about all of this so far is all of the uncertainity. One minute I am worried I may never be able to have kids and the next I am releasing eggs. I don't know what is up with my ovary in terms of cysts. It seems everytime I have one. I was thinking about getting my ultrasound done mid cycle this time just to see if there is a cyst there. It seems to me that if it is always there on the 3rd day it would be smart to test later in the cycle to see and it won't hurt anything.

Back On It

So this weekend I was soooo bad actually I think I have been pretty bad for the last couple of days but I am back at work today and feeling like I can do this again. I had a little mental freak out about ovulation. I was thinking that since I am not seeing Osheroff for a while that suddenly I wouldn't ovulate this month. But as of today and yesterday that is not a problem anymore. What is super fantastic about the whole thing is that I am being consistant. So every month I can pretty much assume that I will ovulate on the 19th & the 20th day of my cycle.

All weekend I was craving food like crazy but it seems like everything has subsided. I think with all this baby stuff going on (eg babyshowers birthdays etc) I have been feeling a little sad about still not conceiving. I just have to tell myself that it isn't the end of the world and that no matter what happens this month I should be grateful for my body working.

Today has been total utter chaos however. I arrived to work late (like 20 minutes) which wouldn't have been a problem except I realized I had a training class at 9 and I was already late for it. I showed up around 30 minutes late to my Time Management class--you can just breathe the irony. Anyway I am back at work and still feeling a little discheveled. I just like when everything is in order. Also my TL is going to give me my first RFA to work on so I am excited. We were supposed to meet with the SRO like 2 hours ago but she keeps saying in a couple of mintues and so it gets pushed back. When I get off of lunch that is going to be the first place I go!

Photographic Memories

I love looking back at photographs. Everyone looks happy and usually by the time you look back at the pictures you forget about any bad stuff that happened or tense situations. Also as an outsider look at someone's pictures you start to have a feeling for their lives it's as if you were on that vacation with them or that you were standing there to the side of the action but still a wittness.

Today I am feeling a little down. It's day 16 and still no egg, work is only so-so right now as I am pretty sure that I am being purposfully excluded from things, and I am frustrated with my weight loss (or rather lack thereof). For the last couple of days I have been Ms. Piggy eating ice cream, nachos, bean dip, cheese dip, salsa, and whatever other delectable treat I can get my hands on. I know this slows down the whole process but I have just had such strong desires for the food. And what makes me the most upset about it is I start to feel like I blew another chance at conception.

In terms of the whole ovulation thing last month I ovulated on days 19 & 20 so I shouldn't be surprised that it hasn't happened yet although I am scared. Each month it's like a lottery, "will it happen this month?" the last few months have been great but I admit I have my doubts. Now my baby desires have gone far further than they were before. Now I am just bummed that I am not successful and who knows maybe a whole nother year will have to go by with nothing. I am just praying like crazy that this turns out ok and I am actually really worried that I am messing everything up with my uncontrollable hunger pangs.

Got a meeting I will write more in a bit.

In Honor of The Holiday....

Presidential Fun Facts
GEORGE W. BUSH is our 43rd president, but there actually have only been 42 presidents: Cleveland was elected for two nonconsecutive terms and is counted twice, as our 22nd and 24th president.
EIGHT PRESIDENTS were born British subjects: Washington, J. Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, J. Q. Adams, Jackson, and W. Harrison.
NINE PRESIDENTS never attended college: Washington, Jackson, Van Buren, Taylor, Fillmore, Lincoln, A. Johnson, Cleveland, and Truman. The college that has the most presidents as alumni (five in total) is Harvard: J. Adams, J. Q. Adams, T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, and Kennedy.
PRESIDENTS WHO would be considered "Washington outsiders" (i.e., the 18 presidents who never served in Congress) are: Washington, J. Adams, Jefferson, Taylor, Grant, Arthur, Cleveland, T. Roosevelt, Taft, Wilson, Coolidge, Hoover, F. Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Carter, Reagan, Clinton, and G. W. Bush.
THE MOST COMMON religious affiliation among presidents has been Episcopalian, followed by Presbyterian.
THE ANCESTRY of all 43 presidents is limited to the following seven heritages, or some combination thereof: Dutch, English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Swiss, or German.
THE OLDEST president inaugurated was Reagan (age 69); the youngest was Kennedy (age 43). Theodore Roosevelt, however, was the youngest man to become president——he was 42 when he succeeded McKinley, who had been assassinated.
THE TALLEST president was Lincoln at 6'4"; at 5'4", Madison was the shortest.
FOURTEEN PRESIDENTS served as vice presidents: J. Adams, Jefferson, Van Buren, Tyler, Fillmore, A. Johnson, Arthur, T. Roosevelt, Coolidge, Truman, Nixon, L. Johnson, Ford, and George Bush.
VICE PRESIDENTS were originally the presidential candidates receiving the second-largest number of electoral votes. The Twelfth Amendment, passed in 1804, changed the system so that the electoral college voted separately for president and vice president. The presidential candidate, however, gradually gained power over the nominating convention to choose his own running mate.
FOR TWO YEARS the nation was run by a president and a vice president who were not elected by the people. After Vice President Spiro T. Agnew resigned in 1973, President Nixon appointed Gerald Ford as vice president. Nixon resigned the following year, which left Ford as president, and Ford's appointed vice president, Nelson Rockefeller, as second in line.
THE TERM "First Lady" was first used in 1877 in reference to Lucy Ware Webb Hayes. Most First Ladies, including Jackie Kennedy, are said to have hated the label.
JAMES BUCHANAN was the only president never to marry. Five presidents remarried after the death of their first wives——two of whom, Tyler and Wilson, remarried while in the White House. Reagan was the only divorced president. Six presidents had no children. Tyler——father of fifteen——had the most.
PRESIDENTS LINCOLN, Garfield, McKinley, and Kennedy were assassinated in office.
ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS were made on the lives of Jackson, T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, Truman, Ford, and Reagan.
EIGHT PRESIDENTS died in office: W. Harrison (after having served only one month), Taylor, Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Harding, F. Roosevelt, and Kennedy.
PRESIDENTS ADAMS, Jefferson, and Monroe all died on the 4th of July; Coolidge was born on that day.
KENNEDY AND TAFT are the only presidents buried in Arlington National Cemetery.
LINCOLN, JEFFERSON, F. Roosevelt, Washington, Kennedy, and Eisenhower are portrayed on U.S. coins.
WASHINGTON, JEFFERSON, Lincoln, Jackson, Grant, McKinley, Cleveland, Madison, and Wilson are portrayed on U.S. paper currency. *The above information provided as courtesy of Borgna Brunner, who derived from "Facts About the Presidents" by Joseph Nathan Kane as posted on http://www.infoplease.com/spot/prestrivia1.html
1. George Washington: No formal education. The only president elected unanimously. He received all 69 electoral votes. At his inauguration, Washington had only one tooth. At various times he wore dentures made of human teeth, animal teeth, ivory or even lead. Never wood. In addition to the nation's capital and the state, 31 counties and 17 towns are named in his honor. He stood 6 feet and 2 inches tall, weighed 200 pounds and wore size 13 shoes. He is the only president who didn't live in Washington, D.C. during his presidency. During his presidency the Judiciary Act of 1789 established the federal court system, the Bank Act of 1791 established a nation wide banking system, the Bill of Rights became law on December 15, 1791.
2. John Adams: Graduated Harvard College (1755). Adams was the great-great-grandson of John and Priscilla Alden, pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620. In 1800 the U.S. capital moved from Philadelphia to Washington, D.C. Adams and Jefferson were the only presidents to sign the Declaration of Independence, and they both died on its 50th anniversary, July 4, 1826. Vice-President under Washington. Older that any other president at his death, he lived 90 years, 247 days.
3. Thomas Jefferson: Graduated College of William and Mary (1762) Secretary of State under Washington, Vice-President under Adams. Jefferson was the first president to shake hands with guests. Previously people bowed to Presidents. Jefferson's library of 6,000 books was purchased for $ 23.950 and formed the basis of the Library of Congress. Principal author of the Declaration of Independence. First president to take his oath in Washington, D.C. Jefferson and Adams were the only presidents to sign the Declaration of Independence, and they both died on its 50th anniversary, July 4, 1826. He designed his own tombstone and wrote his own epitaph, omitting the fact that he was President of the United States.
4. James Madison: Graduated College of New Jersey (now Princeton University; 1771) Secretary of State under Jefferson. Citing continued attacks on its ships, the United States declared war on Britain in June 1812. British troops burned the White House 1814. First president tho had prior service as a congressman. First president to wear trousers rather than knee breeches. He stood 5 feet 4 inches, the shortest president.
5. James Monroe: Graduated College of William and Mary (1776) Secretary of State under Madison. Secretary of Was under Madison. Convention of 1818 fixed the boundary between the U.S. and British North America. In 1819 purchased Florida from Spain for the cancellation of $ 5 million in debts. On December 2, 1923 proclaimed the Monroe Doctrine, warning European powers not to interfere in U.S. affairs. First president to ride on a steamboat. First U.S. Senator to become president. First inaugural to be held outdoors. His daughter was the first to be married in the White House. The U.S. Marine ban played at his second inaugural and every inauguration since.
6. John Quincy Adams: Graduated Harvard College (1787) Secretary of State under Monroe. Adams swam nude (weather permitting) in the Potomac River every day. First elected president not to receive either the most electoral college votes or popular votes. Only son of a president to become a president. Only president elected to the House after his presidency. He named one of his sons George Washington.
7. Andrew Jackson: No formal education. Held no other political office. Placed 2,000 of his political supporters in government jobs and established a "kitchen cabinet" of informal advisors. In 1835 he made the final installment of national debt making Jackson the only president of a debt free United States. He was the only president to serve in both the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812. He was the only president to have been a prisoner of war. He was the first president to have been born in a log cabin. First president to ride a railroad train. Wounded in a duel at the age of 39, Jackson carried the bullet, lodged near his heart, to his grave.
8. Martin Van Buren: Graduated Kinderhook Academy (1796) Secretary of State under Jackson. Vice President under Jackson. First president born in the United States of America. He and his wife spoke Dutch at home. He took his four years salary, $ 100,000, in a lump sum at the end of his term. After serving one term as president, he made three unsuccessful bids for reelection.
9. William Henry Harrison: Attended Hampden-Sydney College. Harrison gave the longest inaugural address - one hour 45 minutes. Only president who studied to become a doctor. His immediate job before becoming president was clerk of Hamilton County (Ohio) court. First president to die in office. Inaugurated on March 4, 1841, contracted pneumonia in late March, died in the White House on April 4. Served 30 days.
10. John Tyler: Graduated College of William and Mary (1807). Vice President under Harrison. First vice president to assume office after the death of a president. He was a Whig, but the Whig party disowned him after he vetoed banking bills supported by the Whigs. In January 1843, the Whigs introduced impeachment resolutions in the House, but the measures were defeated. Tyler served as president without being a member of any political party. He was a grand-uncle of Harry S Truman.
11. James Knox Polk: Graduated University of North Carolina (1818). Greatly expanded the western U.S. in 1848 through a treaty with Mexico ending a two year war and giving the U.S. control over most of present-day Arizona, California, Colorado, Nevada, New Mexico, Utah and Wyoming. Before the advent of anesthetics and antiseptic practices, Polk survived a gallstone operation at age 17.
12. Zachary Taylor: No formal education. Taylor served in the regular Army for 40 years and never voted, never belonged to a political party nor took any interest in politics until he ran for president at age 62. He was elected in the first national election held on the same day in all states (November 7, 1848). He pastured his old Army horse, Whitey, on the White House lawn and visitors would take horse hairs as souvenirs. Died in office of gastroenteritis on July 9, 1850.
13. Millard Fillmore: No formal education. Vice President under Taylor. Fillmore did not meet Taylor until after they were elected. When he moved into the White House, it didn't have a Bible. He and his wife, Abigail, installed the first library. He installed the first bathtub and kitchen stove in the White House. Fillmore couldn't not read Latin and refused an honorary degree from Oxford University, saying a person shouldn't accept a degree he couldn't read.
14. Franklin Pierce: Graduated Bowdoin College (1824). In 1853 the Gadsden Purchase settled boundary disputes with Mexico. In 1854 the Kansas Nebraska Act increased the conflict between pro and anti slavery settlers and required the introduction of federal troops into Kansas in an effort to end the fighting. Because of religious considerations Pierce affirmed rather than swore the Presidential Oath of Office. He gave his inaugural address from memory, without the aid of notes. He installed the first central heating system in the White House.
15. James Buchanan: Graduated Dickinson College (1809). Secretary of State under Polk. In 1857 Buchanan recommended a pro-slavery Kansas constitution. The constitution was rejected and Buchanan lost northern support. 1858 northern candidates opposing Buchanan won a majority in both houses of Congress. 1859 John Brown was seized at Harpers Ferry and hanged for his attempt to start a slave revolt. February 4, 1861 seven southern states formed the Confederacy. By the time Buchanan was 30 years old, he had amassed a fortune of $ 300,000. He was never married, so the duties of White House hostess were performed by his niece, Harriet Lane. One of his eyes was nearsighted and the other farsighted. As a result he always cocked his head to the left. Buchanan tired of being president and refused to run for reelection.
16. Abraham Lincoln: No formal education. On April 12, 1861 Confederate forces attacked Fort Sumter in Charleston, South Carolina setting off the Civil War. Lincoln quickly mobilized the Union by executive order. January 1, 1863 he formally issued the Emancipation Proclamation. On November 19, of that same year he delivered the Gettysburg Address. On April 9, 1865 Generals Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant signed term of Confederate surrender at Appomattox, Virginia. Five days later, on April 14, 1865 Lincoln went to Ford's Theater to watch "Our American Cousin" and was shot by actor John Wilkes Booth. He died the next morning at Petersen's Boarding House. Lincoln was the first president to die by assassination. At 6 feet 4 inches he was the tallest president. Lincoln's wife, Mary Todd, had a brother, half-brothers and brothers-in-law who fought in the Confederate Army. Lincoln was the only president to receive a patent, for a device for lifting boats over shoals. He was the first president to wear a beard. His son Robert Todd Lincoln, was in Washington, D.C. when Lincoln was killed, was also on the scene when President Garfield was shot in 1881, and President McKinley was assassinated in 1901. A poll of historians named Lincoln the nation's greatest president. Washington was second.
17. Andrew Johnson: No formal education. Vice President under Lincoln. On march 29, 1865 issued Amnesty Proclamation, pardoning all Confederates except those with property in excess of $ 20,000 and certain Confederate leaders. On December 6, 1865 the 13th amendment, officially abolishing slavery, was ratified. On march 30, 1867 the U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $ 7.2 million. Johnson was married at a younger age than any other president. He was 18 on May 5, 1827 and Eliza McCardle was 16. He is the only president to serve in the Senate after his presidency. He was host to the first Queen to first the White house. Queen Emma of Hawaii. Johnson was the only president to be impeached by the House, but on March 26, 1868 was acquitted by the Senate by a one-vote margin. Has was buried beneath a willow tree he planted himself with a shoot taken from a tree at Napoleon's tomb.
18. Ulysses Simpson Grant: Graduated U.S. Military Academy West Point, New York. Witness to some of the bloodiest battles in history, Grant could not stomach the sight of animal blood. Rare steak nauseated him. While president, he was arrested for driving his horse too fast and was fined $ 20. Grant said he knew only two songs. "One was Yankee Doodle and the other wasn't." He smoked 20 cigars ad, which probably caused the throat cancer that resulted in his death.
19. Rutherford Birchard Hayes: Graduated Kenyon College (1842) and Harvard Law School (1845). On September 8, 1880 Hayes arrived in San Francisco to become the first president to visit the West Coast. He was the first president to graduate from law school. Mrs. Hayes, Lucy Ware Webb, was known as "Lemonade Lucy" because she refused to serve alcohol in the White House. The first telephone was installed in the White House by Alexander Graham Bell himself. The first Easter egg roll on the White House lawn was conducted by Hayes and his wife. He kept his campaign pledge and refused to run for a second term.
20. James Abram Garfield: Graduated Williams College (1856). Only 131 days after taking office, on July 12, 1881, while entering a Washington, D.C. railroad station, he was shot by Charles J. Guiteau, a disappointed office-seeker in Garfield's new administration. Garfield was the first left-handed president. He was the last of seven presidents born in a log cabin. On election day, November 2, 1880, he was at the same time, a member of the House, Senator-elect and President-elect. After Garfield's shooting, repeated probing for the bullet with non-sterile instruments resulted in blood poisoning which eventually killed him on September 19, 1881.
21. Chester Alan Arthur: Graduated Union College (1848). Vice President under Garfield. Arthur's wife, Ellen Lewis Herndon, died before he became president, so Arthur's sister, Mary Arthur McElroy, served as White House hostess. Arthur enjoyed walking at night and seldom went to bed before 2 A.M. He had 24 wagon loads of old furniture and junk removed from the White House before moving in. A man-about-town, he entertained lavishly and often, and enjoyed going to nightclubs. Arthur told a temperance group that called on him at the White House, "I may be President of the United States, but my private life is my own damn business." Arthur destroyed all of his personal papers before his death.
22. Grover Cleveland: No formal education. Dedicated the Statue of Liberty on October 28, 1886. Cleveland is the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms. He lost the 1888 election for second term to Benjamin Harrison, despite garnering a larger popular vote. While sheriff of Erie County, New York, Cleveland was also the public executioner and personally hanged two murderers. Since Cleveland was the sole supporter of his family during the Civil War, he paid a substitute to take his place. He vetoed 414 bill in his first term, more that double the 204 vetoes cast by all previous presidents. The only president's child born in the White House, was Cleveland's daughter, Esther.
23. Benjamin Harrison: Graduated Miami University, Oxford, Ohio (1852). Harrison grew up in a family of 13 children. He was the second president whose wife died while he was in office. An excellent extemporaneous speaker, he once made 140 completely different speeches in 30 days. When the Harrisons moved into the White House, it was in such a dilapidated state that plans were made to build a new mansion elsewhere in Washington. His last daughter, Elizabeth, was younger than his four grandchildren. Harrison was defeated for reelection by Grover Cleveland. Because of his wife's illness, he did not campaign.
24. Grover Cleveland: No formal education. President March 4, 1885 to March 3, 1889. Cleveland is the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms. See notes under 22ndPresident. Ran for an unprecedented 3rd term but lost the Democratic presidential nomination to Williams Jennings Bryan.
25. William McKinley: Attended Allegheny College. On February 15 1898, the U.S. battleship Maine was blown up in Havana harbor. On April 25, the U.S. declared war on Spain. May 1, Admiral George Dewey led a major U.S. victory over Spain in the Battle of Manila Bay. February 6, 1899, the Treaty of Paris, ending the war was approved by the U.S. Senate. Spain ceded the Philippines, Puerto Rico and Guam and agreed to the independence of Cuba. September 6, 1901 McKinley was shot twice in the chest at point blank range by Leon Czolgosz while visiting the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo, New York. He died on September 14 whispering his favorite hymn "Nearer my God to Thee." McKinley's wife, Ida, was an epileptic and suffered a seizure during the second inaugural ball. He was the first president to use the telephone while campaigning He is thought to hold the record for presidential handshaking - 2,500 per hour. McKinley exercised very little. Had he been in better shape, his doctors said he might have survived his assassin's bullets.
26. Theodore Roosevelt: Graduated Harvard College (1880) Vice President under McKinley. On November 18, 1903 the U. S. and Panama signed a treaty for a canal under U. S. sovereignty. Awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1906 for arbitrating the end of the Russo-Jananese War. As a child, Roosevelt suffered asthma attacks and was too sickly to attend school. At 42, Roosevelt was the youngest president. The teddy bear is named for him. He lost the sight in one eye while boxing in the White House. He had a photographic memory. He could read a page in the time it took anyone else to read a sentence. He was the first president to travel outside the U.S. - Panama. Roosevelt craved attention. It was said that he wanted to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.
27. William Howard Taft: Graduated Yale College (1878); Cincinnati Law School (1880). Secretary of War under Roosevelt. February 3, 1913 the 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution authorizing income taxes was ratified. It states simply: "The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration." Taft is the only person to serve as both President and Chief Justice (1921-1930) of the U.S. He inaugurated the custom of the president throwing out the first ball to start the baseball season. Mrs. Taft was responsible for the planting of the Japanese cherry trees in Washington. Taft, who weighed 332 pounds, got stuck in the White House bathtub the first time he used it. A larger one was ordered. The Taft's owned the last presidential cow and the first White House automobile.
28. Woodrow Wilson: Graduated College of New Jersey (now Princeton University; 1879) Held no other political office. On May 7, 1915 more than 100 Americans were killed as a German submarine torpedoed the British liner "Lusitania". The U. S. purchased the Virgin Islands from Denmark. April 6, 1917, the United States declared war on Germany. November 11, 1918 an armistice ending World War I is signed. January 16, 1919 the 18th Amendment "Prohibition" was ratified. August 18, 1920 the 19th Amendment, giving women the right to vote, was ratified. Wilson is the only president to earn a Ph.D. degree. In 1913 he held the first regular presidential press conference. Afterwards, he met the press twice a week. His second wife, Edith, was a great-granddaughter of Pocahontas, seven time removed. An avid golfer, Wilson used black golf balls when playing in the snow. He is the only president buried in Washington, D.C.
29. Warren Gamaliel Harding: Graduated Ohio Central College (1882). On July 2, 1921 the president signed a joint congressional resolution of peace with Germany, Austria and Hungary. The treaties were singed in August. After Harding's death, several of his high officials were linked to the "Teapot Dome" and other scandals. He was the first newspaper publisher to be elected president. Both of Harding's parents were doctors. He was the first president to own a radio. While president, Harding played golf, poker twice a week, followed baseball and boxing, and sneaked off to burlesque shows.
30. Calvin Coolidge: Graduated Amherst College (1895) Vice President under Harding. Sent U.S. Marines to Nicaragua in 1925 after the outbreak of civil war. Despite strong party support, Coolidge announced on August 2, 1927, "I do not choose to run for president in 1928." Charles Lindbergh completed the thirst transatlantic flight in 1927. While governor of Massachusetts, Coolidge was once punched in the eye by the mayor of Boston. He was the only president sworn into office by his father, a justice of the peace and notary public. Coolidge averaged nine hours of sleep a night and took afternoon naps of from two to four hours. His wife recounted that a young woman sitting next to Coolidge at a dinner party confided to him she had bet she could get at least three words of conversation from him. Without looking at her he quietly retorted, "You lose."
31. Herbert Clark Hoover: Graduated Stanford University (1895). Secretary of Commerce under Harding, Secretary of Commerce under Coolidge. The New York Stock Market crashed on October 29, 1929, marking the beginning of a severe economic depression that dominated the Hoover presidency. The School of Engineering and Applied Science of Columbia University in 1964, Herbert Hoover and Thomas Edison were named the two greatest engineers in U. S. History. He was the youngest member of Stanford University's first graduating class. During their first three years in the White House, the Hoovers dined alone only three times, each time on their wedding anniversary. Hoover was the first president to donate his salary to charity. One of the most honored presidents, Hoover received 84 honourary degrees, 78 medals and awards, and the keys to dozens of cities.
3 2. Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Graduated Harvard College (1903) Attended Columbia Law School. In 1933 Roosevelt launched the "New Deal" relief measures, revived the banking industry, and delivered the first of 30 "Fireside Chats". In December, the 21st Amendment, ending Prohibition, was ratified. In 1935 the Social Security Act was passed and the Works Progress Administration (WPA) was passed. In 1936 he was reelected in a landslide over Alfred M. Landon. In 1939 Germany overran Poland and war was declared in Europe. In 1949 reelected to an unprecedented third term. December 7, 1941 Japan launched a surprise attack on Pearl Harbor. Congress declared war against Japan the next day. June 6, 1944, D-Day, Allied forces landed on the Normandy coast of France. Reelected to an unprecedented fourth term. Roosevelt was the vice presidential candidate on James M. Cox's ticket in 1920. He was the first defeated vice presidential candidate to be elected president. He was related by blood or marriage to 11 former presidents. In 1921, at the age of 39, Roosevelt contracted polio which left him without the use of his legs. A stamp collector, he received the first sheet of every new commemorative issue. In, 1939, he became the first president to apear on television. Died in office on April 12, 1945.
33. Harry S Truman: Attended University of Kansas City Law School, Vice President under Roosevelt. May 7, 1945 Germany surrendered ending World War II in Europe. June 19 he flew to Washington State and became the first president to use air travel within the country. June 26, 1945 the United Nations Charter was signed. August 6, 1945 the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, Japan. The second atomic bomb was dropped August 9 on Nagasaki. August 14, announced the surrender of Japan. On January 17, 1946 Truman proposed a 182 cent per hour wage increase to settle the labor dispute between U.S. Steel and the United Steel Workers union. A walkout was not prevented but it, and most labor disputes in 1946 were settled on that basis. On July 15, he signed a bill authorizing loan of $3.75 billion to Great Britain. November 21, 1946 he ordered contempt proceedings against John L. Lewis when the mine leader, defying a government injunction, called members of the United Mine Workers union out on strike. On December 5 Lewis sent the miners back to work after a federal district court had fined him $10 thousand and the union $3.5 million. March 21, 1947 ordered loyalty investigation of all federal government employees. February 2, 1948 he sent a message to Congress asking for civil rights legislation to secure the rights of the country's minority groups. May 10, 1948 he ordered government operation of the railroads by the army to forestall a nationwide railroad strike. May 14, 1948 he recognized new state of Israel. November 2, 1948 won reelection over Thomas E. Dewey in what was regarded as a major political upset. September 3, 1949 he announced that there was evidence of a Russian atomic explosion.. January 31, 1950 He revealed that he had ordered the Atomic Energy Commission to develop the hydrogen bomb. June 26, 1950 Truman ordered U.S. air and sea forces to aid South Korean Troops in resisting the Communist forces of North Korea which had invaded South Korea the day before. June 30 he announced that he had ordered American ground forces in Japan to Korea and the navy to blockade the Korean coast. General Douglas MacArthur, the American commander in Japan, was put in charge of all U.N. troops in the area, which included forces from other nations. August 25 Truman ordered seizure of the railroads by the government on August 27 to forestall a nationwide strike. November 1 Truman escaped attempted assassination by two Puerto Rican nationalists. December 16 Truman proclaimed a state of national emergency following entry of Communist China into the Korean conflict on November 6, after U.N. forces had taken over most of North Korea. April 11, 1951 Truman relieved General Douglas MacArthur of all posts as commander of American and U.N. forces in the Far East for making statements critical of the government's military and foreign policies in that area. MacArthur replaced by Lt. Gen. Matthew B. Ridgway. March 29, 1952 he announced at Jefferson-Jackson Day dinner decision not to run for reelection. April 8, during the Korean action, Truman signed executive order direction Secretary of Commerce Charles Sawyer to seize steel mills to prevent strike of steel workers. On June 2, seizure was declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in a six to three decision. June 14 he laid keel of the USS Nautilus, world's first atomic powered submarine, at Groton, Connecticut. January 20, 1953 Truman attended inauguration of President Eisenhower and then left by train for Independence, Missouri. The middle initial "S" in Truman's name is not an abbreviation and has no significance. At 60 years old, he was the oldest vice president to succeed to the presidency. In recognition of Truman's contribution to medical insurance, President Johnson presented the first two Medicare cards to Mr. and Mrs. Truman. Truman's mother, a Confederate sympathizer, refused to sleep in Lincoln's bed during a White House visit.
34. Dwight David Eisenhower: Graduated U.S. Military Academy, West Point New York. Held no other political office. In 1953 Eisenhower established the Department of Health, Education and Welfare. The Korean War ended and he nominated Earl Warren as chief justice of the Supreme Court. In 1956 Egypt nationalized the Suez Canal and the president refused to join Britain, France and Israel in an invasion of Egypt. Also, in 1956 he denounced the USSR for crushing a Hungarian uprising. In 1957, he sent federal troops to Little Rock, Arkansas to ensure the integration of Central High School. On May 1, 1956, the USSR downed a U.S. U-2 reconnaissance flight over Soviet territory which was flown by Francis Gary Powers, a civilian. This resulted in the collapse of a summit conference with Premier Nikita Khrushchev. Dwight David Eisenhower was born David Dwight Eisenhower. He was the last president born in the 19th century. He was the only president to serve in both World Wars. A skilled chef, he was famous for his vegetable soup, steaks, and cornmeal pancakes. He was the first president licensed to fly an airplane.
35. John Fitzgerald Kennedy: Graduated Harvard College (1940). In 1961 Kennedy established the Peace Corps. On April 17, 1961 a force of anti-Castro Cubans, trained by the Central Intelligence Agency, staged an unsuccessful attempt to establish a beachhead at the Bay of Pigs, Cuba. In August, East Germany in an attempt to curtail defections from East To West, constructed a wall separating East and West Berlin. On February 20, 1962 Lt. Col. John H. Glenn, Jr. became the first American to orbit the earth. In October, 1962 after U.S. reconnaissance flights revealed that Soviet offensive missiles were being installed in Cuba, the United States established a naval "quarantine" around Cuba. This period is generally considered the closest the world has ever come to nuclear war. On October 28, after the U.S. agreed to withdraw the quarantine and never to invade Cuba, the Soviets withdrew their missiles. On August 28, 1963 more than 200,000 persons staged a march in Washington, D.C. and the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his "I Have A Dream" speech. South Vietnam President Ngo Dinh Diem was overthrown on November 1. On November 22, 1963, Kennedy was killed by an assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald, as his motorcade wound through Dallas, Texas. Kennedy, at 43 years old, was the youngest man elected president; and at 46 years old, he was the youngest to die. Kennedy was the only president to win a Pulitzer Prize, for his biography "Profiles in Courage". He was the first president to have served in the U.S. Navy. He was the only president to appoint his brother to a cabinet post.
36. Lyndon Baines Johnson: Graduated Southwest Texas State Teachers College (1930). Vice President under Kennedy. In 1965 he signed an $ 11.5 billion tax-reduction bill and a major civil-right bill which was proposed and initiated under the Kennedy administration. Proclaimed a "War on Poverty". On February 7, 1965 ordered the bombing of targets in North Vietnam and began escalating U.S. troop strength in Indochina. In April, he ordered U.S. troops into the Dominican Republic to end a rebellion. Also in 1965 Johnson signed legislation establishing Medicare and the Department of Housing and Urban Development. In 1967 he nominated Thurgood Marshall as an associate justice to the Supreme Court. In 1968 Johnson withdrew his candidacy for the presidential race and ordered a reduction in the bombing of North Vietnam.Johnson and his wife, Claudia "Lady Bird" Alta Taylor, were married with a $ 2.50 wedding ring bought at Sears Roebuck. He was the only president to take the oath of office from a female official, Judge Sarah T. Hughes. Johnson rejected his official portrait painting, saying it was the ugliest thing he ever saw. He was the first incumbent president to meet with a pope.
37. Richard Milhous Nixon: Graduated Whittier College (1934) and Duke University Law School (1937). Vice President under Eisenhower. July 20, 1969 Neil A. Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. April 30, 1970 he announced that U.S. troops were being sent into Cambodia to destroy enemy sanctuaries. Nixon visited China in February of 1972 becoming the first president to visit a country not recognized by the U. S. June 17, 1972, five men were arrested for breaking into the Democratic National Committee headquarters located at the Watergate Hotel. The Vietnam cease-fire agreement was signed January 1973. October 10, 1973 Vice President Spiro T. Agnew resigned and pleaded guilty to one count of income tax evasion and Nixon appointed Gerald R. Ford to replace him. August 9, 1974, effective at noon, Nixon resigned as president, becoming the first president to ever voluntarily leave office. This was a direct result of the scandal created by attempting to cover up the "Watergate Affair".
38. Gerald Rudolph Ford: Graduated University of Michigan (1935) and Yale University Law School (1941). Vice President under Nixon. Appointed Nelson A. Rockefeller as vice president. Granted Richard M. Nixon an "absolute pardon" for all federal crimes he may have committed or taken part in while president. He was born Leslie Lynch King, Jr. Both Ford and his wife, Elizabeth "Betty" Bloomer Warren, had been models before their marriage. Running for Congress in 1948, Ford campaigned on his wedding day. He was the first president to release to the public a full report of his medical checkup. Ford was the only president whose two assassination attempts against him were made by women. Ford was the first president not elected by the people to become president. He became vice president when Agnew resigned, and president when Nixon resigned. He was defeated by Jimmy Carter in his bid to win a full term.
39. James Earl Carter, Jr.: Graduated U.S. Naval Academy (1946). September 1977, signed treaties providing for the termination of U.S. operation of the Panama Canal in 1999 and for the permanent neutralization of the canal. In 1978 Carter signed the "Framework of Peace in the Middle East and the "Framework for the Conclusion of a Peace Treaty Between Egypt and Israel" following eleven days of negotiations at Camp David with Israeli Prime Minister Menahem Begin and Egyptian President Anwar el-Sadat. The treaty was signed March 26, 1979. In December 1978, China and the U.S. agreed to establish diplomatic relations. In 1979 Carter signed an bill creating the Department of Education. Reached Strategic Arms Limitation Agreement with President Leonid Brezhnev of the Soviet Union. Protesting the U.S. support of the Shah, radical Iranian student seized a group of American diplomats and embassy officials in Tehran in November. The "hostage crisis" remained with Carter for the remainder of his term. Carter was the first president born in a hospital. He was the first president graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy. He was the first president sworn in using his nickname, "Jimmy".
40. Ronald Wilson Reagan: Graduated Eureka College (1932). Moments after Regan was inaugurated on January 20, 1981, 52 Americans held hostage in Iran since November 1979 were released. September 22 1981 Sandra Day O'Connor is confirmed 91-8 as an associate justice of the Supreme Court. She was the first female to serve on the Supreme Court. While participating in a multinational peacekeeping force in Lebanon on October 23, 1983, 241 U.S. Servicemen were killed in a terrorist attack. Later on October 25, U.S. troops invaded the Caribbean island of Grenada in an effort to restore order and democracy. November 6, 1984 winning 49 states, Reagan was reelected in a landslide over Walter Mondale. January 28, 1986, seven astronauts lost their lives on the space shuttle Challenger. April 5, 1986 two American servicemen lose their lives in a terrorist bombing of the La Belle Discotheque in Berlin. April 14 and 15 in retaliation for the disco bombing, American warplanes attack "terrorist related targets" in Libya. November 25, the Iran-Contra Affair becomes public. Ronald Reagan was 77 years old when he left office, making him the oldest president. He was the first president to have been divorced. For those of you who would like to know more about this man, here is a link that will take you to a Ronald Reagan Home Page.http://www.dnaco.net/~bkottman/reagan.html
41. George Herbert Walker Bush: Graduated Yale University (1948) March 24, 1989 the tanker Exxon Valdez leaks history's largest oil spill, 11.3 million gallons, in Alaska. December 20 Bush authorizes the use of U.S. troops to remove Panama's General Manuel Noriega. Noriega avoids capture and on December 24 seeks asylum in the Vatican embassy. Eventually surrenders to U.S. authorities on January 3, 1990. August 2, 1990 Iraq, under President Saddam Hussein, invades Kuwait. August 7, Operation Desert Shield begins. October 2, the U.S. Senate confirms 90-9, David H. Souter as Supreme Court Justice. October 3, East and West Germany merge to become one Germany. January 12, 1991 Congress authorizes President Bush to wage war against Iraq. January 16, Desert Storm begins. February 24, the ground assault against Iraq begins. February 28, a cease fire is granted to Iraq and the "Mother Of All Wars" is ended. April 1, the Warsaw Pact is dissolved an on April 9, Georgia SSR votes to secede from the USSR and the collapse of the Soviet Union begins. August 19, Soviet hardliners stage a coup attempt against Mikhail Gorbachev. The coup is crushed, but Gorbachev resigns as head of the Communist Party on August 24. September 6, the USSR recognizes the independence of the three Baltic republics. October 15, after a bitter partisan debate, Clarence Thomas is confirmed by a 52-48 vote as Supreme Court Justice. December 8, Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine form The Commonwealth of Independent States. November 3, 1992 Bush is defeated in his bid for reelection. When Bush received his military commission in 1943, he became, at age 19, the youngest pilot in the Navy. Bush is related to Benedict Arnold, Marilyn Monroe, Winston Churchill, Presidents Franklin Pierce, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt and Gerald Ford.
42. William Jefferson Clinton: Graduated Georgetown University (1968), Yale University Law School (1973) August 10, 1993 Ruth Bader Ginsberg is confirmed 96-3 as Supreme Court Justice. September 30, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, President of Haiti is overthrown in a military coup. September 19, 20, 1994 U.S. forces invade Haiti. October 15, Aristide is returned to office. October 1994 congress fails to enact Clinton's controversial health care program which was a strong priority during the election campaign. November 8, 1994 Republicans gain control of both houses of congress for the first time since 1954. November 17, U.S. Congress votes for the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA ). July 1, 1997 China regains sovereignty of Hong Kong. In 1978 when Clinton was elected governor of Arkansas, he was at the time, age 32 and the youngest governor in the U.S. In high school, Clinton played saxophone in a jazz trio. The three musicians wore dark glasses on stage and they called themselves "Three Blind Mice"

President's Day Weekend

So far so good in terms of all the fertility and the weight loss stuff. I lost 4 pounds at my last weigh in and I am hoping to see a nice drop again this week. I had a great talk with Paulette McMillian on Friday although I was late so it ended up being rather quick.
I just have to say how amazing it is to have off for government holidays. Its fantastic! My dad came down to my place and he & I went shopping at the Bass Pro Shop which just so happened to be having a free boat show. It was great to have sometime where it was just my dad and me. I think since I got married and moved away we haven't really had the oppotunity to hang out alone. I think that maybe next time Stan's dad wants to take him out maybe I will call up my dad and meet him in Frederick for a Daddy & Gracie night. I have always loved sharing that time with him and I love the conversations that we have, its nice to know that there is someone you can talk to no matter what the subject may be.

On Sunday, I did nothing and loved every minute of it! Actually I casually cleaned the house and ended up doing an ok job. I got the majority of the laundry done and steam cleaned in the living room. All in all it was very peaceful & restful. I think it was a nice balance of productivity & non-productivity.

Saturday we went out with Stan's parents to talk about finances. It was a good meeting and just reminded me of how much I like his mom. She is just a really genuinely nice person. And its neat because she also seems so playful & childlike. I feel bad for her for all of the experiences she had with her mother-in-law but I think its neat (just like what I think of my own mom) when people don't take the experience they had and throw it onto other people but rather reject that negative influence and overcome it by being all the more nice. I admire that in people because it requires a great deal of strength.
Oh and on Sunday my new health insurance cards came in the mail!! I have to admit I was psyched and I couldn't believe that it came through as fast as it did. Now I wont have to pay all those weird sums that Graphic Arts Benefits Corp seems to make up. I swear they were like the worst insurance company ever! I have never seen an insurance company change the rules on you that many times within a year. I am just glad to have federal government insurance because as everyone knows there is nothing better.

Also its neat because even though I just started I am already earning vacation and sick leave so when August rolls around and it is time for Ocean City I maybe able to take off a day or two and stay down there. Although it isn't usually me that has the problem getting off in August. Usually the DOE book hits about then and Stan is swamped. I know we usually pick up business wise in the summer but I think we will be able to work something out since Stan's dad has the condo for 2 consecutive weeks.

Stan & I are planning on doing a mini vacation to Williamsburg next month. We figured it would be nice to get away for a weekend and go do something a little out of the ordinary. I am hoping it works out but if not there is always Lexington Park...Ha!

Fierce Divas Extrodinaire

Yeah today is Day 10 in my cycle and I got high fertility rating so my hormones are changing as they should and everything is looking good. I always like this point when my body is getting geared up for ovulation. It always holds such promise. And its nice that Stan & I will be trying on our own for at least a little while. I think it takes a lot more of the pressure off. I may go in every other month for monitoring just to see where my body is at any certain time. I want to do this in the best way possible which means I need to keep up with the monitoring. I am not going to do any cycle things I just want to make sure that my cysts don't grow any larger than they already are.

Today at work is actually really mellow which I have to admit I love! I am one of those people who likes when things are at a stasis rather than those that love controversy...ok there was no part of that statement that was true we all know I am a diva and I love the lime light. I took this test on the Project runway website that measured your personality as to your response to questions and I got Chrsitian! I think that pretty fantastic since he is so fabulous. Although I was surprised I assumed I would get Chris March since I have such a flair for drama. Either way you look at it I am still a "born this way queen" and I LOVE IT!! Cool I sound so gender bending only I'm not oh man gender theory go to town on this one!

Its like 10:30 and I am already thinking "is this day almost over?"! Now that is pretty bad! I am just tired of sitting around not really doing anything although I am perfecting my skills at looking as though I am really busy doing something. Like now I am keeping my notebook open while I type. I have gotten smart now!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I found this online and I loved it. I am sure everyone feels this way-single or not!

Bad Day

Today at work was a little less utopian than the others. I was so excited yesterday when I finally had some work to do with this collegue of mine, Mo. Of course the morning (that would be today) I come in and immediatly get called into my Team Leader's office for a stern talking to on how Sonya needs to be trained on contracts and apparently I know more than enough in that sense. Well it all just got blown out of proportion and I think it got everybody mad at each other. My whole theory on it now is "live & let die" if Margot wants to act the way she has been acting (which has been so inapropriate for someone who is supposed to be a leader) than that's the way she has to act. I am not here to make a whole bunch of friends I am here to get the job done and its like this petty popularity contest or something.

I was fortunate though amidst all of this chaos I had my HUB A subcommitee meeting where I got to take a walk over to the neurosciences building and just get away from here for a while. It was perfect! I got to throw out some ideas that will be taken back to a commitee but I don't have to follow through with anything just attend the meeting and throw out ideas. That is perfect for me. Actually I do have to proofread an article but I won't have that for a while. I was also thinking about trying to be a kind of historian for the IC. Like anything that we do I would like to take pics and highlight that. I know Mo is up for an award soon so I may take a couple of pictures and write a story for the DEAS newsletter about it.

I feel so much more renewed now, the meeting just gave me the perfect opportunity to shed the tension from here and come back with a much more open perspective. Now I am thinking about what I expect of myself at this job and one of my biggest expectations was for me to have no involvement with office politics. I don't mind interacting on a superficial level but I don't want to be one of those people who is invested in the politics of an office. I think this whole situation could have been avoided but instead of begrudging Margot for her mistakes I should take it as something to learn from and nothing more. I should look at her as an example of the team leader I don't want to be and see Kim as the kind of team leader I do want to be like. Maybe I should look on the bright side of all of this which is that soon I will be working and learning from Kim and I will know a lot more about the grants process. I just hope that none of the relationships I have formed throughout this past month is damaged because of what transpired today. I guess it won't because that is work you may hate someone one day but you still have to work with them so you try extra hard to find things you like about them.

I am also cheering on myself today for sticking to my I overate for lunch and breakfast this morning so no lunch today thing. I'm proud and a little glad I have been so preoccupied. Coming in at 11 really makes the day go by soooo much faster.

I'm Back!

Today I had some great news, my morning weight was 242!! I am so on my way down and it is so inspiring to see results like this. It has been such a mess trying to lose weight recently. I kept closely recording my calories and watching what I was eating with no results at all. I think at my nutritionist last week I had lost one pound but this week its going to be different. I like seeing this 242 here in the beginning of the week because it means that I am moving closer to my weekly goal of 243. I was afraid I would have to restructure my goals since I didn't make it last time. Hopefully this time I will see a big difference and meet both goals for last week and this week. I try to estimate 2-3 punds of loss per week which given my calorie count is pretty suitable.

I am really liking this plan because I never feel as though I am missing out on eating. Last night Stan cooked himself a frozen pizza and at first I was mad because I was going to cook this nice dinner but then I realized that just gave me the chance to eat one of those low calorie dinners I keep for lunches. Since I had bought a lot of extras I decided that last night would be the perfect night for turkey. I think Stan is going to go out with his Dad tonight so they can do the taxes which means I could capitolize on that and eat another diet meal for dinner. Or I could always make the chicken kabob reciepie since Stan doesn't actually like the vegetables and since they are all fresh I don't want to leave them in there too long or it will be too late.

For lunches I have been eating so well we're talking 180-300 calories. Every morning I eat dry cereal which is 112 calories then I have a 100 calorie snack (which I vary from week to week so that I don't get too bored) then I have a lunch that can be no more than 300 calories. That way I know that I am consuming no more than 512 calories in any given afternoon. What I have noticed is that I tend to blow all of this around dinner time and just go hog wild over food. So my focus is now shifting onto dinner and how I can better manage those calories.

As always the weekend for me is a free for all! I like having the opportunity to lose the weight but balance it out with some fun over the weekend. I try to keep in mind my goals at all times so that I don't completely destroy what I have done during the week over the weekend but I also cut myself a little more slack. I like to spend time with people over the weekend and eating tends to be more of a social event so I know that during the weekend I will go out a lot more so I just have to concentrate on what is good for me but also something that I like. I also found that this is good at stopping cravings because I can always have whatever it is over the weekend.

I just really have to focus on not going out to dinner but staying in and trying to cook the correct amount of calories. That is hard in some senses but usually Stan and I will eat pretty healthy -- other than the stuffed hot dogs they are so good but really bad for a diet!

Catching the Spirit

I have really wanted to go to church. When I was out in California this past May I felt so inspired by the service and the words still echo in my mind. The sermon cleared up something that was very negative brewing within me and I just want to find a church that has a similar feel that can help me carry more positivity over into my life. I am just looking to have something that can carry me through and I have found that faith can fill you with so much confidence and help you to look to the future. I just want to have something there for myself. Also I love the feeling that you get when you go to a place where there are so many people exuding belief or faith. You can feel this amazing vibe in the air like you can feel all of these people connecting and forming bonds without ever speaking to one another. All of a sudden these people are a community and they are connected to one another and draw strength from one another.

Also I keep thinking about how cool it would be to sing again. Music always makes me "feel the spirit" and is used in every religon possible. Music just has something that can ooze through the barriers we put up and bust them down from the inside. Its fantastic and to feel that way with a whole bunch of people together...amazing. At Cindy & Dave's chruch most of the service was music. The church asked you to get up and sing everyone together not just passivly listen. I like that because church doesn't have to be jsut a passive catharisis but can be a very active one. You participate and then you feel great after. I want to belong to a church like that oh and here was the best part it welcomed everyone. It was non discript. I like that because we should all come together no matter how you look at it we are all looking to the same person no matter what the religious belief. If someone is praying no matter what the name its the same spirit.

No Such Thing As A Dumb Question/ Love is in the Air

I have scheduled an emergency appointment with my doctor today. I am so afraid he is going to say that I am right and I shouldn't start the cycle. I actually want to go through the whole process but I have to be realistic. I know that if I don't say something now and there was an oversight that I will always blame myself. Just because I want a baby right now does not mean that I am so impatient that I would risk losing the one ovary that I have. I know that I have to be smart about this even though I may end up hurt. In the long run I know it will be better if I question things as they come. This way I can learn more about myself and even the field of obsterics.
I figure it this way they have how many bodies to worry about at any given medical facility and all I have is this one so its always worth my concern. I know I may end up crushed by the end of today but its something I have to do to ensure that this decision is the best. I don't want it to seem as though I don't have trust in my doctors because it isn't that. Ihave no doubt that they have a lot of experitise and that they do know best but they too are human and can make mistakes. I just don't want the mistakes to effect my overall ability to have children. If all I have to do is question every now and then so be it.

I am counting down the hours though. Its rough because I feel as though I am reaching out for that baby and now I am looking back saying are we really ok to do this. I want to do this cycle so bad but I have to face the reality that the cycle may not work and then what? If there is a huge cyst left over I could end up without any ovaries at all relying on egg donors. I know this is shallow but I think I would never feel like the baby was mine. That is something that I may have to get over one day but I know I will feel that way. I have PCOS and that has effected my ability to reproduce. I am trying to be strong and make level headed decisions not ones that are solely ruled by my emotions. I have a tendancy to be very sensitive and take everything to heart but I know that the more I do this the harder it is to recover. If I really try to think about things from a logical stand point and then deal with the negative emotions later I am more likely to make wise decisions and that is what is required of a medical professional. (I still want to do this by the way in fact working here makes me want to get my MD...we'll have to see).

I think my biggest problem with this whole situation is how I was treated by the sonogram tech. She was very nice but everything she said made me doubt her ability to perform the test. Asking me whether something was a fallopian tube or not is very unprofessional and does not instill the confidence a patient needs to have in those people who are treating them. I understand that sonogram techs are not your doctor but they do interact with the patient and maybe they need to have more training so they can read what they are looking at.

When I went to a sonogram facility last year I remember being really frustrated that the tech was unable to tell us what they saw on the screen. I just remember thinking about how I had to wait all this time to find out from my doctor (didn't find out until like 2 weeks later) and being really frustrated. I love the fact that at Shady Grove you know your results THAT DAY. That is exactly what medical offices should be like because people shouldn't have to be waiting around for a call when it is in regards to their health. Why should we have to wait we our society with all its modern conviences can have information from here to Australia in no time. So I am really grateful that we can see and hear what is going on as it is going on and I am afraid that my complaining may jeporodize the whole situation. I just don't want to be one of those people who ruins it for everyone.

On a lighter note, I am trying to convince Stan to go on a mini vacation this weekend since I have off on Monday. I just think it would be nice for us to get away. I think with all the fertility confusion and negative happenings it would be nice to just go away and enjoy each other. I suggested going skiing with John & Maggie because then I could watch William while they all ski (I hate skiing I tried it once and ended up crying on the bunny slope as a bunch of 4 year olds flew past me. Ahh how I miss my snowy tomb.) I just think it would be so nice for us to go away and leave all this behind for a little while. I understand you can't run away from your problems but you can take a break and come back with a cleared head and a renewed spirit. We don't necessarily have to bring another couple with us but I always like stuff like that. You can always be romantic with each other because they will want to do something on their own. I just feel as though Stan & I could use that time to just relax a little. I hate being stressed it always makes me feel as though I need a mini break. As far as I know the only vacation we have planned is to Ocean City so it maybe nice to just plan a little something where I don't have to take any leave but can still have a vacation. Not that I am not looking forward to Ocean City I love going there and it always feels so great because that was where I fell in love with Stan and I think where we really cemented our relationship. We had dated and kissed by that point (well one kiss my second kiss was at OC) but I think neither of us were really sure until Ocean City.

I wish I had my blog when Stan & I were dating. I just think that we had all these feelings and its always really nice to go back and remember those. Maybe I should blog them in here or something as a subsection as I remember them although you always remember things differently then the way they really were. I just love him so much and I love who I am when I am with him. He's fantastic! Aww. Mr. Bear.

Day 3 Fiasco

Stan & I went to Shady Grove yesterday to check and see how my body was doing. We ended up having the weirdest experience. With my Day 3 testing I first get a blood draw and then I go into a room to get a sonogram. Well it was exactly like that this time. Stan & I went into the room and the sonogram tech found a cyst which she measured as 4.8 cm. That is pretty big so I immediatly knew that the cycle for this month was out the window. Then the sonogram tech she sees a tuba blockage and then turn to me and asks is that your fallopian tube. I was all excited that I seemed to be that knowledgeable and all but hello lady you went to school for this not me.

It made me question her ability to do my sonogram. Then she went to ask Dr. Timmerick if she needed an estrogen draw (to test the estrogen levels in my blood to find out whether the cyst is estrogen producing or not) and the Doctor said that it wouldn't be needed that I will just have to take a break for this month. As I was leaving the sonogram lady said "Enjoy your break". She was just trying to be nice and I know this but my feelings were really hurt since I just came off of a break recently and I really wanted to see an improvement in my body. We had to pay our usual $150 for nothing and then we drove back home.

The ride home was painful both Stan & I were frustrated and upset which never helps a situation. We ended up getting mad at each other and attacking each other. Then we took a little break just sat in silence and thought about everything. It was sad but I think we both needed to get it all out and then when we made up I think a lot of things were cleared.

We decided to go out to lunch to Don Pablos and just de-stress. We had a great time just hanging out and I was happy to just be with him. I think the whole situation was really sad for us both.

Then in a strange turn of events I got a call from a nurse at Shady Grove saying that it was ok to start the cyle. I was like are you sure because that is not what I heard. Then I recounted the whole story to her on the telephone so she said she would call Dr. Timmerick and double check. So Dr. Timmerick agreed with Dr. O'Brien that it would be ok for me to start the cycle.

This came as such a huge shock since cysts have stopped us on every turn but I am going to talk to Dr. Osheroff tomorrow to make triple sure that this is okay. The nurse said that since the cysts look consistant it doesn't seem to be a problem but I only have one ovary and the medication and make cysts grow so I not going to play. If three doctors says its ok then I am going with it.

Bummer Dude!

I feel so sad today. There are all these things hitting at once today and I am just not feeling as social as I usually am. At work I really try to be outgoing and a real go-getter but I think today I am just going to stay in my shell.

First I am bummed because my best friend is moving to Hawaii. Its great because her two girls will be able to see their Grandma and Grandpa all the time but for me I feel sad because I am going to miss out on all of that stuff. It also makes me upset that I never pushed myself more to see her. She decided she was moving like 2 months ago and I just find this out yesterday. Its all because I have let things with my friends slide. I think its easier sometimes when people live really far away because you know that you can only call them so you end up doing it more or something. It just seems that between work and Stan and weight loss/conception I just start to lose the desire to hang out with my friends. Its not that I don't like them or anything I really do I just have soo much going on that I tend to be preoccupied with other things. My friends for the most part live really close to one another and don't have full time jobs so they can all still hang out as a group and have time to talk to one another.

I am glad that another one of my friends will be working really close to me so we can go shopping or hang out either after work or on our lunch shifts. I try so hard to focus on an area in my life and inevitablly I end up completely ignoring another area. I think the biggest sting is that it is my best friend, the one who I want there during everything major, the one who I feel the most comfortable being with. She accepts me for me no matter what that is and I just really appreciate it since I haven't felt that way with my other friends.

I am also bummed because I don't think my weight loss is going to be as great as what I was hoping for this week. I think this saddness will go away when I am actually there weighing myself at her office and I find that I have lost weight. Not to mention I am on my cycle so of course I have come extra weight from that. I am thinking within the next few weeks I should really see the change. I am just bummed because of everything all mixed together hitting right now.

Planning A Trip to Dullsville?

So I have done great so far on my calories but I am still stuck in boredsville! I also have like at least 2 1/2 hours before I get something to do. I hate being bored. Sometimes its nice to be slow don't get me wrong but if all there is is a lull it makes me feel like I am not constructive and that my whole day here is one big waste. Now I know that isn't true because being here is what keeps me in line so to speak but I just am having a hard time adjusting to another day of nothing.
The funny thing is I have been really focusing on this Friday weight loss. I am obsessed, and I know usually it is bad to be obsessed with losing weight but I just really want to be able to do the next cycle. I have gotten myself so excited by the whole thing! I keep sitting here looking at the calendar trying to figure out all the days. SO now I am little obsessed (by alittle I clearly mean a whole lot!). I think I have gotten this crazy because I have run out of constructive things to do at work so when I get bored I have all this time to think about all the logicistics of wanting a baby. Which in-turn leads me to be fixated on the event. I know I just have to relax but I get all excited and that's that.

All For Now

Sittin' Here La...La...

Back to work again with no work to do. I know I should just be grateful for this time because eventually the work will come and we will be crazy busy but I am going stir crazy. I can't help but feel like we should be going to classes on campus now instead of still sitting around here. That's it I am done complaining, I need to be a "doer!" There I e mailed my supervisor and requested that we meet about training. Proud of me, you are. (Yoda Voice)

Well I am focused again. After my little blunder yesterday I decided to make up for it by minimizing my calories for today and tomorrow. That way I can overcompensate for any extra calories I took in. I just really want to make my weekly goal weight and then some. I think this whole "earning the IUI" plan has put more emphasis on my daily activities than what I had before which is helping me to get right back up when I fall. I am also really pushing water today since I didn't drink enough yesterday. Its amazing what one day away from work will do!

Today I brought a lunch that is only 180 calories and then I have my 100 calorie snack. I am planning on making BBQ chicken for dinner and to cut out some calories I am going to skip the starch and cook myself an extra vegetable. I remember doing that a lot in November and I lost weight pretty fast with doing that.

On a fitness note I opted to take the stairs instead of the elevator today and although it is only one flight I went up to the top floor and then walked back down. Hey any extra steps counts right? I am going to try to take the stairs up all the time if I can. Also maybe during my lunch shift I will walk up and down the stairs for a while too. Like just keeping walking up the flight of stairs so that at the end of the day I have done 8 or 10 flights of stairs.

I know I need to start incorporating more physical activity in my daily schedule. Apparently people who exercise do better doing their labors and lose the baby weight faster. Maybe at night Stan Sugar and I can go for walks. Its just hard because he gets into work so late so he doesn't get home until it is too late to go for walks. I would like it to be something that we start doing as a family so that it can be a habit before baby. Plus its nice because we can really talk and get all this fresh air and it would be really good for Sugar. The main problem is the motivation isn't there for either of us. I can really focus on my calories and eating because it just doesn't have the same mental wall that fittness seems to have. No, I have to do this. Maybe I could talk Audre into joining a gym around here and her and I will go together in the evenings that way we could talk and have fun while working on something positive with each other. I don't know, all of these ideas and no follow-up.

On a brighter side I am doing really well with taking my meds and I haven't been feeling too crazy over food (even after yesterday's little blunder). I had Stan get rid of the cake so that temptation has left the building. I am hoping that I am able to stick with this and stay motivated like this all month. I get a little scared because I seem to commitment to things half way. In the beginnning usually I am so gung-ho about everything and then toward the end I start to fizzle out. Its just really important that I maintain this all month so I am where I need to be for the next cycle.

I have also been getting scared that I will have a cyst and I got my heart set on doing the cycle in March and then I just feel like I may get let down.

What's that Grace? Negative thinking...I think not!

Ok so for Lent I am giving up negative thinking. Instead of dwelling on what is negative about something...or even potentially negative I am going to look on the bright side and deal with the bad stuff as/if it comes...no worries!

So thinking positively no matter what the out come I am making huge strides in improving my body not just in terms of fertility but in terms of my overall health. By drinking all of this water my body is able to flush out more toxins, my organs aren't putting out too much urea, and I am gaining much more energy. By eating less calories I am testing my will power and using this great opportunity (my job) as a jumping off point for losing weight not only that but I am back to being a member of spark which maybe motivaing others without me even knowing it. In the long run these changes will spill over into my life and improve the quality overall. As I gain more energy I will be able to do more things with my children (when I have them), I will be able to do more with Stan, and I will be able to conquer something I have long wanted to conquer. By making these simple changes I am paving the way for greater things and that is regardless of what ends up happening in March.

Yeah positive thinking, now I feel all empowered and happy again. Its amazing how letting yourself dwell into the negatives brings you so far down. I am just proud of what I have achieved so far and I am proud of my potential for further growth!

On that note, I have to say its cool to be eating throughout the day. I like that satisfied feeling I get even though overall I am consuming less calories. Its just nice because I know that I am doing better and feeling better as well. I remember it was like that at Joan Carol too. When I first started losing weight one of the ways I broke into a different weight category was just simply from bringing my lunches most of the time and then trying to cook at home. It makes all the difference, really. You immediatly start eating less calories simply because you are not eating at fast food places. And since I am drinking water all the time all day long I can satisfy my nervous urges as well! I'd say that is a win-win!

I am pushing myself to take the Bupleurem again 3x a day. I have been slacking on that a little and usually will only take it twice a day. But I am taking it before I leave the house, before lunch, and then before I leave for work. It will be perfect since I will have the bottle right next to me in my office and so I will always be reminding myself of what's going on. I just want to take all the precautions I can because whatever is within my power is expected that I do so I am making it easier for myself.


This song has been playing in my head so I was think about the lyrics sittin here la la waitin for my ya ya. So I looked it up because I thought it meant Grandmother and it does in Greece. So Opa!

Bad Girls

Today I was very bad. Very very very very bad! Not only did I go to Taco Bell for lunch but then made stuffed hot dogs, tater tots, green beans, and applesauce. I was a mega pig today. But it is all good because I am right back in there so no worries. I am not feeling de-motivated or anything I think I just had the first day of my period and I was not paying enough attention to myself. So tomorrow I am having a smart ones spaghetti meal and BBQ chicken for dinner. I have to step up my game that's that!

On a brighter note I got off early so I started my brand new blog which is awesome and will be all about my fertility stuff. So check it out! And I am so excited to unveil my new design fully dedicated to Buffy--I mean it is all out slayer because that is what this blog is all about the inner slayer emerging so I let the slayer out and that is my inspiration. Voila!!

More on Day 24

Ok so for some really extra crazy reason I am super dooper hyper. Like out of this world scaring myself hyper and I am having such a hard time controlling it. I am probablly going to leave here early since I am spazzing out and everyone else has pretty much already closed up shop. I am just feeling out of control right now. Its nuts! Tomorrow I have to get up really early but I should get off of work early which will be really nice!

I think I am all crazy becasue I looked at a calendar to figure out the dates of my goals and all this that and the other and ended up revving myself up for doing an IUI in March. I have to say I am even more motivated than I was before but I think I am brimming with too much excitment. It feels like I have already lived through it all, satisfied my goals, got the IUI, and I am well on my way to motherhood. Of course I know this is not true but all in the same I am so glad to just be working on myself and whatever reason I find to do that is good enough for me.

When I get home I am going to call Stan to see what time he will be back to plan what we are doing for dinner. If all I have is a pbj then I will have done really really well on my calories!

I am so proud of me. Maybe that is why I am super hyper. I feel happy that I am really sticking with this and it doesn't really seem all that hard.

I have gone to the bathroom like a hundred thousand times today because I have been drinking water consistantly all day long. This is actually something I have been doing since Friday.

So the countdown is doing great so far and I like counting down until March because I am not going to stop my weight loss but its like this is how far I am until my next IUI. Although I still haven't gotten my period yet. I think I may get it tomorrow so I am keeping my fingers crossed. I took a birth control test over the weekend and it was negative so I am sure I will get my period within the next couple of days (I ovulated on Day 19 & 20 so I should have a later period than if I had ovulated on Day 16). Other than that I am lookin good feelin great!

I want to go home soooo bad!! I really just want to go into the hallway and run up and down the stairs. Wait I am going to go do that now.

Motivated Once More! DAY 24!

I am feeling fantastic today! First, I found out that even with my little cake & ice cream thing yesterday I still came in where I need to be with calories which mean I am doin somethin right. I am also at that point where my body is just kicking out all this energy because I have been eating healthier.
My days are structured like this now: I eat breakfast on the way to work (usually dry Cheerios) then around 11 or 11:30 I have a snack which can last me for a while. I will eat lunch between 12:30 & 1 usually and then I either have an after work snack (grapes etc.) or if Stan is working late then I just eat dinner when I get home. If not, then I wait for him and we eat together.

Its nice because I am actually consuming less calories eating more and I am soooo happy about that. The thing I wanted to avoid has been the hunger because usually the cravings will accompany that.

I am just glad that I am motivated again! Its so much easier when the motivation is there. The past couple of months when I didn't really feel motivated I was thinking about how can I get myself back to that point and I was just really defeated feeling. But with the new job feeling more comfortable and fertility right where it needs to be I am back into having a baby.

I will sometimes revisit some memories to keep me in the fittness mode. I just think about those times when I lost weight and where my motivation is. I am so ready to be at that finish line and I feel so proud of myself for everything I have done so far but this is far from complete. I am just taking it month-month in hopes of keeping my spirits up and going strong.

I am actually looking forward to a weigh in this week. I keep waiting for Friday so I can show Paulette how hard I have been working. I have to say I really owe a lot of my success so far to her. She keeps me focused and motivated. She supports me in my ideas toward losing weight. When I am down she helps me up and she celebrates with me when I am doing well. Its nice to have someone else invested in the weight loss process. When its just for me I can justify to myself why I shouldn't do it but I know that every week I am going to have the check in with her and then I am going to have to talk about the week and why it went in one direction or another.

I also owe a lot to blogging and sparkpeople etc. I go back every now and then and read my old blogs and feel so great listening to my previous struggles and reading what my weight's were where my goals were set and what BMI I was at the time. Its great to see all of that change over time and to know that now almost a year later I am still on track! I realize that blogging my thoughts isn't that entertaining to other people but they are to me. I have all this freedom to just get out how I feel at any particular moment in time and then later in life to use that as a reflection of that day and that time.

I love to read William's blog too. He serves as a huge motivation. I will go back and read that March 4, 2007 blog when he entered the world and I think about how proud we all were of him and Maggie. How amazing it was to finally see him. And it makes me want to finally see our child. It pushes me to be healthy watching him play and giggle. I like reading about his growth throughout the year and thinking about my own growth how far we have come over this year...all of us.

So Far So Good…

My new plan has been working out very nicely. This morning I found these yummy Healthy Choice lunches that have grilled chicken, steamed veggies, and some kind of sauce. They have about the same calories as the other stuff it just seems like more food all around which I will not argue one bit with. Also the sauces sound really good so I am really looking forward to eating them.

On Friday night I went to the nutritionist as I did every Friday night and I faced the scale. I must say that it wasn’t as bad as I expected and I am feeling just so re-motivated. I feel all renewed and ready to focus my energy back toward my goal. Actually what is really unique about what I am doing now is that I have the opportunity to enjoy the weight loss. I like the process I have to go through in order to achieve what I want.

I have been thinking about how my whole life I have prayed to be skinny for this reason or that reason but I have never really followed through with it on my own. I haven’t used the tools I have been given. Never before has it all been so clear to me I have to meet God halfway before my miracle will be granted. I need to lose the weight not just for my health but for the health of my future family. This I see now and I feel ready to move more rapidly toward that goal.

How did the weekend go? I’d say I did alright. I ate very well on Saturday. I watched my calories and ordered very healthy. Sunday….another story indeed!

I threw a party for Stan’s dad because it was his birthday and combined that with a Super Bowl party. Everyone got together and watched the game while my sister-in-law and I went into my bedroom and watched chick flicks. Of course with me throwing a party you can guess that there was a lot of food! We had chili (which my momma made because she makes the best chili in the whole world!), tacos (made by me because who knows Mexican food better? both chicken & beef; soft & hard), Smoked beef with cream cheese, little hot dogs, Onion Dip & Chips, Cheese Curls, and cake & ice cream. We had quite the feast and trust me after all the hard work of putting the party together I feasted! I am not mad at myself and I don’t feel guilty I had fun and that is what parties are for getting together, chowing down, and having a ball.

It just means all this week I need to be extra careful to follow my plan to the letter. I just have to remind myself in times like this that it is all about balance. I have always hated when people are at parties and they refuse to eat all the good food that the host worked hard on because they are on a diet. Most people admire their dedication but I don’t necessarily view that as dedication. I see that as setting yourself up to fail. If you can’t enjoy those special times then eventually you are going to start begrudging the process.

I know I ate a lot on Sunday but I am feeling good about this week. I have to say (as odd as this is) the hardest thing for me to give up has been the juices & sodas. It’s easy to say that you aren’t going to have sodas anymore and to replace that with juice or some other calorie containing beverage but it is so weird to only be drinking water. I think I can handle it since it’s only for one month.

Oh that reminds me, I don’t know if I have mentioned this yet but it’s worth mentioning again, I am setting these goals as kind of a twenty-nine day countdown. I like to set up a short time span for something. It helps me psychologically to think about it in terms of well I only have “X” amount of days to go. Then when I get to my goal date I am going to look at where my weight is and determine if I have met the goals needed to do my next IUI if I want to forgo the next IUI I may just hold off a little and wait until I am fully ready to go ahead with it.

I think I got really hurt after the first one in November didn’t work and then I went through a huge transition with the job which all set me back in the whole weight loss world. I knew that I couldn’t really get pregnant the month that I started the job but I figure if I do conceive in March, April, or May I will be completely fine because at the end of my 9 months I will have been here a year.

So here’s my new plan I have been thinking that I will do my next IUI somewhere in March, April, or May. I am giving myself a three month window because (1) I can always decide I like where my weight loss is going & hold off to continue that (2) I don’t know what kind of things I will have in terms of work load and I don’t want to be stressed out at a time where I am trying to conceive and (3) I am not sure what my ovary will look like in terms of cysts and I don’t want to build myself up to a date with all this weight loss and blah blah go in and have the same song & dance. I want to prepare myself for the possibilities, not looking on the negative side; I just don’t want to get myself upset if everything doesn’t work out like it does when I envision it. So this way I have three months to get it together to be ready. Then if I don’t conceive with the 2nd IUI then I am planning to take off through June or July and start again either in July or August. Then if I don’t get pregnant then I will just keep doing the last few IUI(s) before we schedule IVF. Again I am just thinking about this in a long term way instead of expecting to get pregnant and getting let down. If it’s a no then I am ok with that because I have a plan. If it’s a yes then it will be time to celebrate!

Until then I am working on several key goals:

- Drink more water
- Adopt healthier eating habits
- Build my relationship more with Stan
- Create a “do-able” fitness program
- Build my Career
I probably have even more goal than that but those key goals look very nice for now.

DAY 29

So I have decided for the 29 days of February to stick to a really strict diet. I know I sound like I am setting myself up to fail but the plan will be to lose weight during this month by counting down the days until I can eat again. Ok that sounds harsh. Here is my deal

1. Weekdays- No eating out (LUNCH OR DINNER)
2. Water- And Nothing else
3. Workout- 30 minutes everyday doing whatever


My goals are simple so that sounds successful plus I have a really good countdown system in progress!