That Newbie is a Power House

I have been a powerhouse for the last few hours. Its nice when you do a lot of work really fast & well to redeem yourself for being a mess earlier in the day. And when I say I was a mess I mean I am really understating the whole thing.

So I was informed that there is a whole lot of work rolling around the corner so I am going to be really busy doing both contracts & grants! Also once I get some contracts under my belt I am going to start training other people on how to do it. I am nervous about everything but at the same time I know that doing something can prove how well you know it. Plus I have said all along that there is a real difference in knowing theory and knowing the practice of that theory.

Things have been going better at work and I am feeling more and more at home here. The people are fantastic and I feel like they are always willing to show you what needs to be done. I have had many jobs where people don't want to be bothered with training because they don't get paid anymore or it isn't there job description or whatever but here most of the people seem incredibly open and generous. They also seem to like to socialize and get to know the new people too which makes me feel less and less like a newbie.

I can't believe that it is almost time for me to leave, its nuts how fast the time will go by when I am keeping my mind occupied.

This starts that home stretch that I always get so nervous about. Because I have ovulated I knwo I have 2 weeks until my period or lack thereof. This is that time where I go back and forth in my head debating whether I am pregnant or not. I know that if we did concieve on this round I should be due on December 1st or somewhere in there. I would love to have a baby in December so close to Christmas and all. I think my ultimate time to have a baby maybe in January though because then I will be way prego at Christmas and then the next Christmas our kid would be almost one and could enjoy it all more. Ok I know who cares but this is how I keep my mind occupied until the time when I finally do conceieve. Its just that it seems to take so long and I am so excited. I feel like I am waiting for summer vacation. When you are a kid it seems like those last 6 months or so take forever oh my gosh imagine how psycho I am going to be when I have to wait 9 months!!!

I don't know if I wrote about this in here but since no one reads this I think it's ok to be repeated. I started another blog that is going to track the steps up to motherhood but isn't going to be like this where I let my mind have a free for all. I am trying to do things like track my cycle and sort of talk about my feelings as things approach or when I get a negative pregnancy test etc. Mostly it will be a place where I can keep track of things that are hard or whatever. Then I am going to make it into a pregnancy site (when I get the positive sign). I am thinking I am going to take pictures of myself each month, and record all my feelings and whatnot. That way I can keep close track of what my body is doing and how everything is going along the way. Plus I can print the site out and make a book for myself with it. Another thing I want to do when I am pregnant is getting one of those glammer shots or not glammer shots but professional shots of the pregnancy. I love those pictures first of all because there is so much emotion in them. Usually there are some with the father and the mother together then some just with the mom and if there are any other kids them too. I just think it is a nice record of that time where you are building up to the big day. Its sensual yet nerve racking you know and a little tender too.

I always think about things I want to do involving baby stuff. Its sad I know but I think it is what keeps me motivated. Sometimes I get a little upset and I use stuff like that to cheer myself up. I think the hardest thing about all of this so far is all of the uncertainity. One minute I am worried I may never be able to have kids and the next I am releasing eggs. I don't know what is up with my ovary in terms of cysts. It seems everytime I have one. I was thinking about getting my ultrasound done mid cycle this time just to see if there is a cyst there. It seems to me that if it is always there on the 3rd day it would be smart to test later in the cycle to see and it won't hurt anything.